Late night meditations

There is so much depth to the love of my God.

As I sit wide awake mentally, and extremely tired physically here at 1:30am, with God laying people on my heart, and thinking about how much I love this person, and that person, and yet My heart loves them in such completely different ways, I can't help but think about the depth of His love.

  We can love others in a way that Paul loved Timothy, as a spiritual parent. We can love others like David and Jonathan, in a deep friendship....

For me, it feels impossible to express in words, as many things are when it comes to my Heavenly Father. And I am okay with that, because He is so other than. 

Either way, our hearts yearn for others. The more we experience different emotions, the more open our hearts become to the love of God. The deeper we feel, the deeper we love. And for some this may be frightening, and it sure can be. But it is also a complete privilege, and incredible blessing. For to have the heart of God, we must love like Him.

   And when I sit and think about those my heart deeply loves, I realize how much more the LORD loves....because He loves perfectly, without sin. Where we love imperfectly, while on this earth, because of sin. We forsake the love we feel and have  all the time. But God never forsakes His love for His creation; for us. And we can rest in Him. Wherever we are at, whatever walk of life we are in. He is faithful, and abounding in grace and love. 

Allow yourself to fall in love. With Jesus. With people. Your life will be changed. Your heart will change. Your mindset will change. Allow the perfect Love of Christ to bring redemption and freedom to your life.

He is Good. 

I leave you with a probably the most popular Psalm out there. But one of my favorites, for the mighty comfort and peace and truth it brings.

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. 

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " 

Psalm 23

I'll take a side of grace with that please!

There's been some odd things happening/going on in me very recently. Some which I'm not so willing to disclose to you, but some being such as blogging so incredibly much...lol, and most recently...currently...not really sleeping.

If you know me, you probably know that I never have a problem sleeping. I can sleep anytime, anywhere. And I sleep good. I rarely wake up in the middle of the night. If I do, I assume The Lord has someone for me to pray for, or some reason that I am not sure of.

4 out of the last 5 nights have been the most uncomfortable, and the worst nights of sleeping for me probably that I can remember. I have no clue what The Lord is doing in and through me, which is a common theme in this new season of life, there are many things I am having to adjust in my life and am learning. And i sure do hope this not sleeping thing....does not last like I hope some of the other things going on in my life do.

I'm not quite sure where I am going with this blog, seeing as it is 230am, but I guess one thing, just even from this past week that I am learning....is that you just need to endure. I am not in control of my life. I can't control what I feel...i can't control my sleeping patterns (I'm not one for medication...for myself) I sometimes can't even control what I do (especially in times of worship in the presence of God.) God is always sanctifying us, to become more like Him. For which I am grateful, for that is my ultimate desire; to be more like Christ.

I love how God works in my life. I love the crazy things He does, and is currently doing. 

Earlier this past week, my attitude was full of frustration when things didn't go as I had expected...now I can tell at the end of that week/beginning of a new week, my attitude is a much different one. One that embraces what is put before me, and takes it with grace. I still may need a bit more grace, but the frustration levels are significantly lower. And I praise God for that, and am grateful that He has heard my prayers and is answering my prayers. 

"It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:7-11

Just when I started to not think badly of winter....

Today, I didn't start off on the right foot. I drive Amish, and it snowed last night, and my car is only front-wheel drive. I was sliding a lot, I got stuck in a ditch and had 2 Amish men push me out....then after dropping off the last of my teachers, I couldn't make it up this one hill. I was alone, and had tried 3 times and I was so close....but my car just started going backwards. And all the nasty inside of me came out....cursing and full on bloody murder screaming. Not my finest moment...so after backing down the hill and talking to my mom I decided to go a different road....which only had worse hills....and then caused me to get stuck in a ditch...again. I think I had gotten most of my frustration out....so I just sat there and tried calling people but I had no service. 

In the end, I was able to get a hold of my mom and her, my sister in law and brother and Don came to my rescue. 

This isn't the first time I've reacted negatively when it comes to stressful situations, especially involving my car. This is actually the 2nd time, in 2 weeks....I decided, while I have the time to just sit there and wait, that I should probably read my bible and talk to God while waiting....and I kept asking God what He is trying to show me through this...because In my other blog shortly, u will see that I have entered a new spiritual season of life.

   I have been reading 1 Peter and the verse "be holy, as I am holy." Sent conviction to my heart. I did not respond in holiness to my circumstances. I acted in sin. Where I could have trusted God and been calm that it would all work out, I unleashed profanities. Which shows me where my heart is, and especially in high stress moments. I have an attitude. And I let this attitude get the best of me a lot of times. I react in this attitude before I react in a godly manner. And clearly that needs to change.

  But at the same time, Gods love and grace and blessings are continually being lavished on me...and that's just God works in my life. I am continually blown away by my God! 

   I'm grateful for a God who forgives, and who sanctifies and convicts and who is full of grace and loves me even when I'm at my ugliest. And amidst all of that, He still comes to my rescue and gives me just what I need.

Sometimes...u just have to laugh at life's circumstances, don't take yourself so seriously.

"But as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct...when he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 1:15; 2:23-24

Worship Passage

Over the past couple of months Ive been dealing with a lot of anxiety when it comes to leading worship. This past time I lead, I had read Hebrews 12 the Saturday before, and that really helped to put my mind on Jesus. And one thing I have been learning, especially since that Sunday about 3 weeks ago....is that I love the power and glory of God. His power and glory is something not to take lightly. And He reveals Himself in such ways....! 

I do not lead worship tomorrow, but tonight I'm just sitting in my bed and feel led to read that passage, and just found myself praying for tomorrow's worship service. And I can't help but be excited, to see what God will do, and to just be able to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. 

I also decided to make this chapter my 'worship chapter.' The chapter I read before worship every Sunday. The chapter I go to when preparing for worship. The chapter I pray for, when it comes to worship. Because we worship a Holy, Almighty, Powerful God. And our worship to Him,  should not be taken lightly, which we often do.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? 

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." 

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?

For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.

For you have not come to what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest

and the sound of a trumpet and a voice whose words made the hearers beg that no further messages be spoken to them. For they could not endure the order that was given, "If even a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned." Indeed, so terrifying was the sight that Moses said, "I tremble with fear."

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect,

and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." This phrase, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of things that are shaken-that is, things that have been made-in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."

Hebrews 12

Faithfulness. A top quality.

I am grateful that my God is faithful. Even when I am not.

Each day with my emotions and moods and thoughts and actions... I forsake Him.

I am an unfaithful bride to my faithful bridegroom.

As much as this sickens me and breaks my heart, because I love my bridegroom; sin just takes over, what makes me grateful, is my bridegrooms faithfulness. It is all inclusive: full of grace...

He pursues me, He redeems me, He forgives me, He loves me, He is faithful to me, He is merciful to me.

I know Him. And I don't just know about Him, but I KNOW Him. I know His character, I know what makes Him mad, I know what makes Him happy....He has made Himself known to me, and I know that He knows me. Better than I even know myself. He knows what I need, He knows how to bless me and how to hold me back. He knows my character. He knows my heart. 

And still He pursues, He loves, He forgives, He desires...

     

  Who wouldn't love a man like that?

Responsibility of a Disciple

You know those moments when you are just going about your normal everyday life, and out of nowhere this crazy realization comes to you and everything seems to make sense.....I had one of those  this past week. It brought quite a bit of conviction, but it also brought immense joy that a

I have been missing recently.

This was my realization...

    There comes a time when we, as adults, and as disciples, need to start taking responsibility for ourselves. We need to move on from immaturity, to maturity. 

    It's seems so simple...and like a 'duh' moment, but it's so much more complicated when you are living in it; and this is why...

    When we are being discipled, there is a point (especially at the beginning) when all of the attention is on us, and on our growth and areas we need to work on and become more like Jesus. We have people who are constantly pouring into us, constantly encouraging us, constantly pushing us and taking notice of us....but there comes a time, when that stops. It doesn't stop completely, but it stops enough to almost make it feel that way. We begin to feel abandoned, and fall back into old thought patterns and probably even new ones.

   We become dependent upon our disciples. Dependent on their attention, and pushing and encouragement in order for us to grow...but we must move onto maturity. 

   Moving onto maturity is us taking responsibility for our own growth and not depending on other people to make us do it. Maturity is us having learned how to follow Jesus and then following. Maturity is us being dependent on Christ, rather than on our disciplers. 

So we as disciples have a choice...whether to continue growing once other disciples have come along to be discipled, or to just mope in self pity because we are no longer the ones with all the attention. Our identity and purpose and confidence can very easily be put into the attention our disciplers give us....but I beg you, from experience, pray against that. Pray that no matter what, your identity and purpose and confidence is and will always be grounded and rooted in Jesus Christ. That is where your unending joy comes from! 

Take responsibility. Grow. Be a true disciple. Move on to maturity. Depend on Christ. And Follow Jesus.

"For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil." Hebrews 5:12-13

Morning thoughts.

The heart of God is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

And He shares His heart with us. 

What a privilege.

He enjoys sharing His heart with us. He wants to share His heart with us.

What a gift.

God is full of gifts.

Always lavishing (I love this word) us with gifts from Him.

Because He loves us.

With an UNCONDITIONAL love.

Which is so hard for us to grasp, because everything we tend to do is conditional.

But not God.

Praise be to Him!

Deep down, we all want to share our heart with people.

Only fear, and pride hold us back.

Nothing holds God back from sharing His heart with us.

Not even our fear and pride.

For He is greater.

He will push through to share His heart with us.

Just ask.

Sometimes we don't even have to ask.

But He likes it when we do.

Just like we want to be wanted, so does God.

Matthew 7:11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! 

Walls

We all have walls in our hearts.

Some have more than others.

They come in all shapes and sizes.

Some of ours are taller, some of ours are thicker and some of ours encircle our whole heart.

But like the walls of Jericho, they will eventually all come tumbling down. (I encourage you to read the story and compare it to walls of our own hearts. It's a good thing I'm finding to ponder and study. The story is in Joshua 6) 

  

As believer's, followers of Jesus Christ, we are united in Him. Making us all family, since we are all co-heirs and children of God! 

What I have been rather convicted of in the past week is that we are to proclaim the power and victory of God.

    "For the Kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power." 1 Corinthians 4:20

We are to walk in victory for ourselves and we are also to fight for our fellow brothers and sisters. To proclaim victory not only for ourselves, but for others (or for some, this may need to be vice versa). 

We need to SHOUT, the glory of God, His power and Authority over all the walls in our lives. We need to be persistent in the fighting and not lose hope, in the tearing down of these walls of our hearts.

I am just as guilty, if not worse, than those that God reveals to me with specific walls. I pray for them, I proclaim truth for them, I declare Gods goodness and His victory, yet I forget how many walls I have and even how much thicker and taller they have become over the past year. I am guilty of not being persistent enough in prayer. I am guilty of walking around defeated, everyday. 

God wants to tear down our walls. They do no good in community, and relationships. They bring lack of trust and disunity. How is that honoring to God?

Proclaim the victory and power of God. Let Him tear down your walls piece by piece, chunk by chunk. It will be extremely painful and uncomfortable, but it is nothing in comparison to a death on a cross.

Trusting God is a battle

 

Recently, I have found myself asking the question…
   “Do I really trust God?”

I’m finding that recently more and more I think about my future… and with that, I’m seeing the lack of trust I have, and that is just not cool.

I get too caught up in wondering if I will get married…and with that thought process…what if getting married will take me away from Off The Wall? take me away from the life I love and feel called to. Will I have kids? How much will it affect how I do ministry? Do I really want those things then?
…or,
Well, what if I don’t get married? Will I still be able somehow to have kids?
Will I ever have enough money to survive comfortably?

….and so the questions can go on and on and the scenarios can continue to be played out in my mind.

And amidst all of those questions, and thoughts, I’m just trying to play out what my life will look like. I’m just trying to play god. To maintain control of what direction I take and where God leads my life. When really, I have zero control over any of the things I so often find myself wondering about.

When really, all I need to do is just trust God. I’ve actually fallen asleep, with tears in my eyes, repeating the words “I trust You God” recently. I need that reminder, that deep down, I do trust Him. Because reality is, it is really hard to trust God at times.

But why?! I have no reason not to trust Him. He has never failed me, and His Word says He never will. He is always faithful. And He has blessed me so much with a life full of my dreams and desires, so why would I think that He would want to take all of that away just to take it away.
I fully believe that He is Good.

Yet the sin inside of me, my depraved nature, tells me otherwise. It tries to trip me up. And a lot of times, it doesn’t just try, but it succeeds. And that’s when I realize that I haven’t been trusting my Creator, my Father. And that’s when I repent, and ask for forgiveness.

Because I do trust Him.

 

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Philippians 4:6-8

Oh life....

We are afraid to be vulnerable with others. I am one of those people. I can be a bit hypocritical at time actually in this. I tell people I am an open book, just ask, but when it comes down to it, whenever asked about the present....very few people get the whole story. And admittedly, this entry is not the whole story, nor do I think that it needs to be. Many people don't need to know my deepest darkest secrets. But there still is a lot of vulnerability in this entry, and the reason being, that this is what The Lord laid on my heart to share. So I encourage you, to not be afraid to be vulnerable. Probably not everything... For there is a lot to learn in being vulnerable...but be real. Be honest. Some people may need to hear what you have to say.

So with that preface....

Emotions tend to make life difficult. Hormones tend to make life difficult. Sin tends to make life difficult. 

   

So when you put all these in one...what do you get?

      Human beings. You. Me. Us.

I don't believe that emotions are bad, they let us know that we are alive, that there is something going on inside of us. Hormones...( yup...) Sin...is never a good thing.

This weekend for me was a very emotional weekend. A lot of insecurity, a lot of past lies resurfacing, a lot of complete selfishness in my thinking and actions, some hurt and a lot of frustration and discontent with God and with myself. I was so affected, it affected how I worshipped (or lack there of), how I spent time with God, my attitude...everything.

   Needless to say, I'm thankful for a new week. Thankful for a day to just be with the LORD alone. To ask forgiveness, to worship, to read, to allow the grace and love and forgiveness of God to wash over me.

     

My point(s) in sharing this with you, is that I don't have it all together. I have my major weaknesses, things that at times Satan just pounds me with. I don't always have the best attitude. I'm very selfish. I'm very emotional. I'm not always all about Jesus or always feel madly in love with Him. Majority of times I have no clue what to do with what is going on in my heart and mind. I've no clue usually how to express the love I have, and that is actually quite painful. I do get hurt, and my heart is actually quite soft. I'm figuring this whole life thing out too. 

      I'm just like you. We are all just like you. 

In high school I used to feel like I wasn't going to have a normal life....and to most Americans, my life isn't normal with working in a church and working in a ministry where we disciple full time. It's my dream job. But this life is normal. In the kingdom of God, this is what we are supposed to be doing. Ministry. Whether we are vocational or we are tent makers and work. The only thing that makes me unique or special is the blood of Jesus Christ and His righteousness. 

And my main point in admidst all of these unexpected words...is that we all have emotions and hormones. Male and female. And although they may not be bad (I actually believe emotions are a great thing), it's how we respond to these emotions and hormones that can cause us to sin. And like we must learn with the sin in our lives to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, so we must do with our emotions and hormones. Our feelings should never be greater than Jesus. And that is what I allowed this weekend. And for that, I ask for forgiveness. 

We must learn to submit, and though we may feel something, to not make it greater than Jesus in our lives and whatever thoughts come from those feelings, to take those thoughts captive, and make them obedient to Christ. So that He may be honored. 

"So as to walk in a manner worthy of The Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10

A new heart

 

The older I am getting, the more emotional I am becoming. And the more emotional I become, the deeper I am loving.

I never knew that my heart was capable of feeling the emotions it feels. I never knew I was capable of feeling such love towards people I barely know. I never knew I could be so proud of individuals and a group of people. I never knew that I would ever be able to feel the love I do towards people like I do now and this is only the beginning I feel.
  It seems as though words can’t even do justice the amount of love I feel in my heart. It almost hurts at times.
  And I KNOW that this love, comes from Christ. it is just a glimpse of the love He has for me. For us, His bride. It is a love that would cause someone to completely empty themselves for the sake of others. I want this love to continue to grow to that point. It is the kind of love that desires to serve another, no matter what the service may be. It is the kind of love that see’s beyond the surface….

I enjoy getting older. Im glad that Ive experienced much turmoil these past 2 years, because it has only grown my emotions to a deeper level of love, understanding, grace… and to connect better. I still have a lot of growing to do. There are more attacks than ever before with these deeper emotions but if they cause me to be more like Christ and help me to grow more in love, I’m all in, because loving people, is seriously one of the greatest blessings of Christ.

God is good. God can and will do what may seem impossible. Your greatest fear, is what He has already overcome. and He transforms us. He’s transformed me. He’s taken a girl who used to hate people and love spending time by herself hours a day, to a girl who doesn’t even know how to react to all the love she feels for those in her life and looks forward to times spent with people and would rather be with people than alone.
     This all is new to me. This all is so odd to me. And I love it.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

What do you want?!

Tonight I spent an hour praying for our local YoungLife ministry. And I couldn't help but notice in some of the more specific prayer requests for individuals that a lot of them wanted to spend more time with Christ. This made me think that a lot of times, this is a very popular request among believers. 

Then I thought of how often you hear the phrase, 'you make time for what you want...'

   And I do believe that that is true. I think of all the high school boys (and even grown boys!) who will spend hours a day, or stay up all night sometimes just playing video games. Or people like me who love television and will stay up until 2 am no matter how tired you are to watch a favorite tv show! Or we make time to hang out with friends...etc...but how often do we ourselves MAKE time to spend with Christ?! 

Are we willing to sacrifice a few minutes of sleep to spend time with Him? Are we willing to sacrifice one episode a day? Are we willing to sacrifice meeting up w a friend to spend time w Jesus?...the list could go on. 

Don't get me wrongs, none of these things are wrong. I just find it interesting that what seems to be the most common prayer request is to spend more time with Christ...

And my thought is.....maybe the prayer request shouldn't be to spend more time with Christ but instead, to, WANT Christ more. To long for Him. To desire Him above anything else in our lives that can distract us from Him. To want Him so much, that it moves us to action. 

So I ask, what do you want? 

God's blessings in endurance

This morning I wasn't really motivated to get out of bed. The only thing that seemed to really excite me was the idea of eating breakfast! But as I lay there, I started to think about all the things that have been heavy on my heart and mind this week and I started to worry a bit. So, for like the 2nd time this summer I got up and decided to go on a long walk without my music and just talk to God. Walking has been rather difficult for me this summer because I fell and hurt my foot/ankle at the beginning of the summer and I also get really bad shin splints so those 2 things have held me back a lot, but I asked God to bless this walk and He did!

  My walk was really refreshing, in many aspects. And towards the end I started thinking of this...

There were many blessings on my walk. One being the prayer time and just conversation with my LORD, saying hello to people on the street, my legs not killing me!, my best friend shouting at me through their window, baby animals....

  I took a route that if I wanted to, I could have taken so many different short cuts to make the walk a lot shorter than it was. And if i didnt make the decision to just keep walking, I would have missed out on quite a few of those blessings. And I think we can easily apply that to our spiritual lives. 

When we are walking with Jesus sometimes life becomes hard and we want to take the easy road, the shortcut. We just can't seem to have enough perseverance or endurance, or fear and worry start to overwhelm us of even hurt and pain...etc. When we allow ourselves to not endure, or to be hindered we miss out on blessings from God, when we take those shortcuts, when we don't endure the whole way. The endurance through the difficulty and the pain and discontentment reap blessings when we just persevere and keep our eyes on the prize (Jesus Christ) rather than our eyes on what is making us want to give up or slow down or take a shorter route (different road than intended just to be done quicker). 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary orfainthearted."    Hebrews 12-1-3

At The Foot Of The Cross

This summer God has been doing a major work in my heart. Dealing with some bitterness which has lead to forgiveness (which among the body of Christ is an extremely beautiful thing to be apart of, something I had missed out on for years), and dealing with conviction of motives and just seeing the ugliness of the sin of my flesh in a light that I had never seen before in my 25 years so far. (God is a God of new and of old!) This has been a very revealing summer for me, as well as a healing, redeeming and sanctifying summer. I am more than grateful to God for the many lessons and emotions and convictions and actions that have all taken place because I know they are all apart of making me more like Christ.
 Through all of this I have noticed that the Holy Spirit has just brought me to the foot of the Cross. The gospel and the act that Jesus did on the Cross mean more to my heart than they ever have before. And I am again, grateful for this. My love feels like its growing deeper, my appreciation feels deeper, my worship feels deeper...everything just feels deeper and more real to me when it comes to The Gospel, and the Cross.

Among all of this, I came across this poem in a book that I have been reading and I really wanted to share it with you, the readers, and my prayer is that it encourages you to WAIT on the LORD. In whatever season you are in, whatever answers you are waiting on, God is all that You need and He has a purpose and just go to the Cross, lean on Him, the one who knows Your heart and the one who longs to be with you more than anyone else on this earth ever could!

The poem is called "WAIT" by Russel Kelfer

  Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:

Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently  said,

"Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?

By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?

I'm needing a 'Yes,' a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'No,' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, You promised that if we believe

We need but to ask, and we shall receive

And, Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

'I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!'"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel

And His eyes wept with mine,

And He tenderly said, 'I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

"All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want---

But, you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power I give to the faint;

"You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing  I'm there;

"You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;

When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;

You'd know that I give and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight,

The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked

Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that, 'My grace is sufficient for thee,'

Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still, 'Wait.'"

Time spent with God brings clarity

 

When I look back on this year there are lot of emotions. When I think of the overall thing God has been teaching me this year, through all the different struggles and emotions, I do believe it all comes down to one word:
HUMILITY.

Ive never considered myself a prideful person, but pride will effect every person in one way or another, at one stage or another! To be a disciple of Jesus Christ, one MUST learn to be humble. We need to learn that no matter what position we are in, or how much life we have lived and experience we have, we will never be know-it-alls. We always have room to grow, and room to learn. We will never stop learning, and even if we think we don’t have this attitude or these thoughts…..one day i believe we will all find out deep down pride was sitting there all along, and these thoughts have been imbedded somehow. We will continue to realize daily that we are not the one’s in control. We often are made to wait. We often are made to be uncomfortable. We often are made to be long-suffering….amongst many other things. And this is all for our own growth of character, and for a deeper dependence on Christ.

We must continually realize that God is greater than everything that is us, and everything that affects us. Our fears, our desires, our hearts, our thoughts, our failures, our mistakes, our past, our future, our emotions, our knowledge, our capacity to understand, our gifts and talents, our relationships, our sins…and life changes (there are a lot of those!)
We must learn to be humble in all of these things…and know that God is leading us through it all.
  The journey to humility may not be an easy or enjoyable one, but it is one that makes us more like Jesus and brings godliness to our character!

 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:1-5

Lessons from David

 

This morning in my quiet time I was reading Psalm 42, and this is the psalm where David is questioning “why is my soul downcast within…”

It is a very sad psalm, and I’ve even heard people speak on it saying that the sadness mentioned in here, the “deep crying out to deep” is talking about depression. Whether this is true or not, I am not 100%, but I can definitely see where people get that from. So as i was reading, I started just journaling what thoughts came to head with this passage, and started thinking about depression.

Depression is such a common disease these days, almost anyone you speak to has either gone through depression, or is currently depressed. Some say they are clinically depressed and takes meds, and other’s don’t even know it and just live in that state of mind, and other’s get over it.

I have extremely strong opinions concerning depression, simply because I have dealt a lot with it, within myself and some people whom I care deeply about, but I am not going to get into that right now. What I want to get into, is talking about the Power of the Holy Spirit.

 

I encourage you to go and read Psalm 42 either before or after you read this. To see if you can gather, what I gathered.
I believe that David was probably depressed when he wrote this psalm, but I also think that he gives us an extremely great example of how to deal with depression, or sadness.

First, he is thirsty and panting for the living God. (v1)
If you are sad/depressed, and not thirsty for God to move and to be near you…check yourself.

Second, he remembers the better times, the times God used him and when he was walking in his call…(v4)
Its easy in times of sadness/depression to just think about all that your sad about, all the bad stuff in life and in yourself and even in other people. But the New Testament sooooo many times tells us to set our minds on things above (colossians 3), to look to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (hebrews)…numerous times in numerous ways.
We cannot turn our hearts and minds against God in these moments…we can choose what we remember and what we don’t remember ultimately. If we want to remember better times, we will. If we want to stay in the depressed state of mind that is not honoring to God, we do.

Thirdly, David HOPES in God. (v.5,11)
Hope is a feeling. it is also an incredible word, and an incredible feeling. It helps bring life, and helps us to look forward, instead of looking backward and inward. It forces us to look past what is going on, and to what can happen, deliverance, newness…
And this isnt a hope that is rooted in the people around you, or yourself, this is a hope that is rooted in God, who can work all things out for the good of those who love Him. (romans 8:28)

 

My opinion, is that the best remedy and advice for sadness and depression is to have these 3 things. A desire for God, to remember all that He has done and those better days, and lastly, to HOPE IN GOD.

The mind is a powerful thing, but the Bible tells to be of a sound-mind (2 tim 1:7), sober-minded (2 tim 4:5, 1 peter 1:13; 4:7; 5:8) and to take every thought captive and make it OBEDIENT to Christ(2 Corinthians 10:5). Therefore, we can…because we have the Holy spirit alive in us, enabling and working in us! )(John 14:26To say that you can’t take every thought captive, that you can’t be sober and sound minded, is to limit and belittle the power of God.
Which i’m pretty sure is a sin….it’s called unbelief…..

To end, all of this(hoping in God, taking every thought captive…), takes work. I think this is where a big problem is, especially in America…because we are an extremely lazy culture. (proverbs 13:4)Therefore, we for the most part, don’t want to do the work that its going to take us to be whole, to allow Christ’s power (Holy Spirit) to reign in us, because it’s hard.
Lazyness is a sin. and if you dont hate sin, and want to turn from it, you might want to make sure your saved.

Take sin seriously, take God seriously.

 

“…Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.”
Psalm 42:11

Seasons of Life

 

Everything in life, runs by seasons.
You have Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.
We all have our favorite season(s).
And for the seasons that we don’t like…we can’t control them. We can’t make them move faster. We just have to endure them.
Like we endure the weather and can’t change that, we have to endure some of life’s circumstances and trust God. and know that a greater(more favorite, more enjoyable) season, is on its way!

So if your like me, and hate winter…endure it. For Spring is just around the corner. And we get those moments where you wake up, and it looks and smells and even looks like Spring…and even though it may just be a teaser and winter is still there, look at it as a joy and a hope and a glimpse into what God is bringing your way!

So if your not enjoying the season of life you are in right now spiritually, endure it. keep pressing on. keep running the race. For another season is just ahead. We can’t say how long it will be, but God is with you through all of the seasons you go through. Giving you hope in the wintry, cold, dark seasons.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…”  Hebrews 12:1

Work

 

”Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”
Colossians 3:23

This past week has been a really weird week work wise for me. It was quite difficult for me to do a good job at my work and be disciplined and not want to waste time while at work.

I even find that with leadership sometimes too. Some weeks are harder than others, and there are times when I don’t want to lead and don’t want to take the time to do all that is required of me in leadership and my roles.

This past week, has also been a week when ive realized that I dont have a right to ever want to be lazy in the call God has given me and the work He has given me to do. If He has called me to lead, than I need to always lead. In any physical work that I do, I don’t have a right to complain. If its work I don’t know how to do, or a work that is not my favorite, I need to do it with a grateful heart praising God for the ability to learn and the ability to do.

So whatever your work is, whether it is spiritual/kingdom work or earthly/physical work, it is all for the glory to God. and should be done for His glory and the fame of His name.

we are not here for ourselves, or for men, but for God.

what are you setting your mind to?

 

You know those weeks where a certain theme just keeps coming up in your devotions and in everyday life. Well, thats been happening this week.

Monday I was really convicted by a devotion I read by John Piper, about our mind and what we spend our time thinking about. And he used the Scripture, Romans 8:5-6
            “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, set their minds on things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

Well, recently, my mind has completely set on my flesh. On what my flesh wants and desires…daydreams have been taking over and I’ve been allowing myself to think impure thoughts, to plan out a future of what I want certain things to like, Ive been dreaming of things that satisfy the lusts of my heart, rather than truly giving them to God and trusting Him but trying to satisfy myself in the waiting period.
How wrong, sinful, and how dirty of me. A holy(set apart) child of God.

I find the verses from Romans so convicting, and so powerful. To set the mind on the flesh is DEATH, and to set the mind on the Spirit is life, and peace.
This fall, for my birthday, I got a new tattoo. It is the word PEACE on my forearm. I love it. It’s a great reminder to pray for God’s peace in my life, in every circumstance and moment. Sadly, sometimes it is hidden and I forget about it. But to know that to think about the things of the Spirit is life and peace…and that by not thinking of things of the flesh and by not satisfying my flesh by thinking of things of the flesh, i can have peace. There will be a peace in my heart and my soul and my life, and my life will be full and that longing that the flesh desires, will be filled with Christ and His peace.

Hebrews 12:3
”Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."..”

Colossians 3:2
”Set your minds on things above, not on the things that are on the earth.”

 

What are you spending your time thinking about?
Is it glorifying to God?!