I'm letting you see my insecurities right now....
I haven't done this in a really long time. and so this really bothers me. But I tend to compare myself. to the people around me. Which just strips me of who I am, and the confidence that God has built in me.
and i think the comparisons, stem from my jealous heart. I see God moving in people's lives, exciting things! i see their personalities, and how people just love being around them. i see them being able to be in these conversations and with these people that are just encouraging and ltos of fun, and challenging spiritually...while im at work...
and i know that these people, may not always even get to do these things...so why do i compare and get jealous?! i want to be in that perosns shoes. i want to be among those conversations...
i want to be a person ppl look forward to spending time with. i want to be an exciting person. my friends know im 'boring', and they just accept it. which is great. but do i accept it?! i dont want to be considered as boring.
but if thats what i am, thats what i am right?!
i know im not doing myself any good by focusing and these comparisons. i am, who i am. God IS moving in my life, and doing a lot which is very exciting and im excited for the future. yes, i get antsy sometimes with just working. but he continuously blesses me at work, with the great ppl i work with and great conversations with them...like today for instance. so why can i be happy w that?! i am happy w that. but why do i keep seeking MORE!? is it wrong to seek more than the blessings that He is giving me? i mean...I need to learn to be content. I have learned to be content. there are just times when i don't WANT to be content...when i wonder...right...when is my life going to move on......when do my talents appear and get to be in full use ?!?! or even...what are my talents?!
my heart....is selfish and jealous. my heart...at times...is not content. my heart...always seeks more. my heart....feels a lot. my mind...tends to go with what my heart feels...
So God...control my heart. My heart is yours. Cleanse it. Purify It. so that I can see you. (matthew 5:8) May i encourage people with my words. May my heart be FULL of your LOVE, for you, for myself, and for others. May comparisons not matter to me. may i be confident in who i am...in you. may i be content with JUST you. may my eyes be FIXED on You Jesus. because when they are fixed on You...everything turns okay. everything else fades. and I am in your embrace. May my life, be in that embrace...always.
You hold my heart. Mend it. Mold it.
I just want you. only you.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Beyond the surface
there is always a story behind a word. do we take the time to pay attention to that story? to honor that story? to really look into a simple word which can mean more than our minds can take?!
So I'm reading The Heavenly Man. And it is blowing my mind. It's about this Chinese man who was put in prison, and tortured in ways that...i cant even describe...its sickening what ppl will do to others...and its just incredible what this guy went through for the sake of the church..and His love for Jesus. Incredible. and to think, Jesus was EVEN better! and went thru so much more...
But just reading this guys story (im not even half way thru the book right now) but he puts scripture in with his story at certain points...scripture that uplifted him and gave him strength...and it makes you actually look at the scripture from his and the writer of the scriptures point of view. so often, i dont think we realize the pain that maybe David was in when He wrote some of the psalms...or Paul while in prison...we just read the words, without realizing that these people actually suffered...and were tortured probably...and we don't realize the pain behind the words. the story behind the words. and then the deliverance behind the words as well!
it just makes you look at things in a different perspective.
"Praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead..."
We are blessed. and all we go through for the sake of Jesus...is a blessing.
So I'm reading The Heavenly Man. And it is blowing my mind. It's about this Chinese man who was put in prison, and tortured in ways that...i cant even describe...its sickening what ppl will do to others...and its just incredible what this guy went through for the sake of the church..and His love for Jesus. Incredible. and to think, Jesus was EVEN better! and went thru so much more...
But just reading this guys story (im not even half way thru the book right now) but he puts scripture in with his story at certain points...scripture that uplifted him and gave him strength...and it makes you actually look at the scripture from his and the writer of the scriptures point of view. so often, i dont think we realize the pain that maybe David was in when He wrote some of the psalms...or Paul while in prison...we just read the words, without realizing that these people actually suffered...and were tortured probably...and we don't realize the pain behind the words. the story behind the words. and then the deliverance behind the words as well!
it just makes you look at things in a different perspective.
"Praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead..."
We are blessed. and all we go through for the sake of Jesus...is a blessing.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Matthew 15
I would like to share with you, my devotions for today.
Matthew 15:10-20 is the passage.
'Jesus called the crowd to him and said, 'Listen and understand. What goes into a man's mouth does not make him unclean, but what comes OUT of his mouth, hat is what makes him unclean.'
Then the disciples came to him and asked, 'Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?' He replied, 'Every plant that my heavenly father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.' Peter said, Explain the parable to us.'
Are you still so dull? Jesus asked them. Dont you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man unclean; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him unclean.'
The focus here, is in bold.
So often in our every day life, we have people who irritate us, who annoy us, who make us jealous without even realizing it. Every person, no matter what they do, we react to in some way shape or form. Sometimes, that reaction, just isnt very righteous....
My devotions had this illustration that I would like to share:
A baptist preacher at a retreat asked a young lady to come up to the platform, and he had in his hand a cup of water. He instructed the girl to grab the arm that held the cup of water and shake it very hard. After a moment of hestitation, the girl shook his arm, and water went flying everywhere. He looked at her and pointedly asked, 'What made the glass spill water?'
Immediately she replied, 'It spilled because I shook your arm."
"oh no" he said, "it spilled water becasue there was water in the cup."
When people shake us up...its not because of them, what comes out. What comes out when we are shaken, is already inside of us.
So when we react badly to certain people, or certain situations, its not that 'persons' fault. We should be thanking them. Because they reveal our heart.
did u hear this people?!
our reaction, to other people, reveal our heart. other people are not to be blamed, for anything. they simply just reveal to us, and if anyone else is around us, where our heart is. what exactly is in our heart.
and so often...i know for me...my heart is revealed as envious....way too many times. and frankly I don't like it. so many of our hearts, are corrupted. and we don't even realize it. each day, we need to be 'cleansed' by the charachter and mercy of our God through the Holy Spirits power. Through meditation. Through willingness.
So i challenge you, to pay attention to your reactions. and to ask God to reveal your heart. it may not be pretty. but God makes the not so pretty, into beauty. :) Be cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.
Matthew 15:10-20 is the passage.
'Jesus called the crowd to him and said, 'Listen and understand. What goes into a man's mouth does not make him unclean, but what comes OUT of his mouth, hat is what makes him unclean.'
Then the disciples came to him and asked, 'Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?' He replied, 'Every plant that my heavenly father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.' Peter said, Explain the parable to us.'
Are you still so dull? Jesus asked them. Dont you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man unclean; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him unclean.'
The focus here, is in bold.
So often in our every day life, we have people who irritate us, who annoy us, who make us jealous without even realizing it. Every person, no matter what they do, we react to in some way shape or form. Sometimes, that reaction, just isnt very righteous....
My devotions had this illustration that I would like to share:
A baptist preacher at a retreat asked a young lady to come up to the platform, and he had in his hand a cup of water. He instructed the girl to grab the arm that held the cup of water and shake it very hard. After a moment of hestitation, the girl shook his arm, and water went flying everywhere. He looked at her and pointedly asked, 'What made the glass spill water?'
Immediately she replied, 'It spilled because I shook your arm."
"oh no" he said, "it spilled water becasue there was water in the cup."
When people shake us up...its not because of them, what comes out. What comes out when we are shaken, is already inside of us.
So when we react badly to certain people, or certain situations, its not that 'persons' fault. We should be thanking them. Because they reveal our heart.
did u hear this people?!
our reaction, to other people, reveal our heart. other people are not to be blamed, for anything. they simply just reveal to us, and if anyone else is around us, where our heart is. what exactly is in our heart.
and so often...i know for me...my heart is revealed as envious....way too many times. and frankly I don't like it. so many of our hearts, are corrupted. and we don't even realize it. each day, we need to be 'cleansed' by the charachter and mercy of our God through the Holy Spirits power. Through meditation. Through willingness.
So i challenge you, to pay attention to your reactions. and to ask God to reveal your heart. it may not be pretty. but God makes the not so pretty, into beauty. :) Be cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Take My Life
I have a thing for theme songs...theme verses...
and I'm begining to find many themes songs.. to back up a theme in my life.
This Hymn, "Take My Life" is one of my new themes for my life. For my relationship with God. All to do with and for the Glory of My Savior! woohoo! I love every word of this song. and the meaning behind it. Some lines, and words though, hit me depper with love and awe though! :) But ugh. these words are just incredible. the meaning and heart behind them, are just where my heart is for my God! every single word.
"Take my life and let it be consecreated Lord, to thee.
and I'm begining to find many themes songs.. to back up a theme in my life.
This Hymn, "Take My Life" is one of my new themes for my life. For my relationship with God. All to do with and for the Glory of My Savior! woohoo! I love every word of this song. and the meaning behind it. Some lines, and words though, hit me depper with love and awe though! :) But ugh. these words are just incredible. the meaning and heart behind them, are just where my heart is for my God! every single word.
"Take my life and let it be consecreated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days. let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love. (p.s. i really love this line)
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.
Take my voice and let me sing, always, only for my king. :)
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.
Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is thine own, it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet it's treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever only all for thee
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee.
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, its all for three."
Make this your prayer for your life. Tis mine.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Who are we living for?
Jeremiah 26:2 (read it. or the whole chapter if you please! it released this frustration for some reason.)
God is moving. He always is. Lately, I can just see it even more though.
This frustrates me.
Let me explain...
it does not frustrate me that God is moving. That thrills me and comforts me!
what frustrates me...is to see God moving...and people not responding.
I believe God has given me a feeling into what He has felt for millions of years, with the Israelites forsaking Him time and time again. Yet He always had mercy upon them, when they called out to Him.
But what gets me...right..
is how we(i am including myself in here. because i am found guilty as well) choose and TRY to fight for ourselves. for our own lives. for our own reputation. for our own feelings. for our own rights. last time i checked, 1. i dont have any rights. 2. feelings are deceptive. and 3. this life is not about us.
it all comes down to selfishness. and sin.
In the beginning, there was God. Garden of Eden. A place, where Adam was created in God's image. Eve, for his companion. We were created, for the sole purpose to live in intimacy with God. To live in Paradise. For enjoyment. and for Love. Then Sin entered the world. and this is another frustration: Sin is not Satan's fault. Sin is our own fault. Stop blaming Satan. I'm not sticking up for him here, I'm just trying to help people see how wretched we humans actually are. Satan is the tempter...we CHOOSE whether to give in, or to stand our ground. so therefore, sin is the humans fault. we did it (do it) to ourselves.
so i guess basically what im trying to get at. is that it just really frustrates me when i see God moving, and just yearning for us, and all we do...is sit back and life this life for ourselves. yes, some of us claim to love him and have a relationship. but then there is thing called a wall. where we only go so far with him. we're not intimate like we were meant to in the very beginning. so if that's what how our rship was meant to be..WHY ARE WE NOT SEEKING THAT!!!
why are we just so non chalantly caring?!? why are we fighting for ourselves and not for God?!
does it mean anything to you that Jesus, a real man, like you, only perfect and holy, DIED A CRIMINAL DEATH ON A CROSS, for every wrong thing you have thought, acted on....EVERY wrong thing. does that mean anything to you? because if it did, surely you would be fighting for your God! for YOUR SAVIOR! He died, so that we can have that intimacy that we were created for. Yes, we do not deserve Jesus' love and grace...but thats what grace is. something we do not deserve. so why not embrace it? give in to your own selfish thoughts, ways. forget about yourself, becuase its not about you...not everything is about you. something i have learned in the past couple years! it is definately not about me. there is something greater here. so why aren't we seeking like we should be, why arent we fighting like we should be? why arent we surrendering like we should be. all for the Glory of God.
so thats my frustration i suppose. i could just go on and on. but it just hit me last night. people need to realize. people need their eyes opened. we need to not be afraid to scream the name of Jesus. to fight for Jesus. because He has and continues to fight for us. so we owe it to Him.
so i beg you. to pray for boldness. for yourselves and for Jesus followers. to speak in boldness and confidence about this man who died on a cross. about an intimate relationship with an indescribeable God! this is great stuff people! so why are we not all praising Him?! why are we just so mellow. we should be EXCITED. PASSIONATE! we are free. we are spotless. we are made whole. we have the love of the creator. the favor of the creator! this is something and someone worthy to shout about!
this world needs to be shaken. eyes need to be opened. Have Your Way God. You are Holy.Give us boldness. Give us a passion for your name. May the cry of our hearts, be to give you Praise. You alone are worthy Jesus.
not us. but You. may we surrender.
"Children get your hearts right. God's coming for his pure bride" (Leeland)
God is moving. He always is. Lately, I can just see it even more though.
This frustrates me.
Let me explain...
it does not frustrate me that God is moving. That thrills me and comforts me!
what frustrates me...is to see God moving...and people not responding.
I believe God has given me a feeling into what He has felt for millions of years, with the Israelites forsaking Him time and time again. Yet He always had mercy upon them, when they called out to Him.
But what gets me...right..
is how we(i am including myself in here. because i am found guilty as well) choose and TRY to fight for ourselves. for our own lives. for our own reputation. for our own feelings. for our own rights. last time i checked, 1. i dont have any rights. 2. feelings are deceptive. and 3. this life is not about us.
it all comes down to selfishness. and sin.
In the beginning, there was God. Garden of Eden. A place, where Adam was created in God's image. Eve, for his companion. We were created, for the sole purpose to live in intimacy with God. To live in Paradise. For enjoyment. and for Love. Then Sin entered the world. and this is another frustration: Sin is not Satan's fault. Sin is our own fault. Stop blaming Satan. I'm not sticking up for him here, I'm just trying to help people see how wretched we humans actually are. Satan is the tempter...we CHOOSE whether to give in, or to stand our ground. so therefore, sin is the humans fault. we did it (do it) to ourselves.
so i guess basically what im trying to get at. is that it just really frustrates me when i see God moving, and just yearning for us, and all we do...is sit back and life this life for ourselves. yes, some of us claim to love him and have a relationship. but then there is thing called a wall. where we only go so far with him. we're not intimate like we were meant to in the very beginning. so if that's what how our rship was meant to be..WHY ARE WE NOT SEEKING THAT!!!
why are we just so non chalantly caring?!? why are we fighting for ourselves and not for God?!
does it mean anything to you that Jesus, a real man, like you, only perfect and holy, DIED A CRIMINAL DEATH ON A CROSS, for every wrong thing you have thought, acted on....EVERY wrong thing. does that mean anything to you? because if it did, surely you would be fighting for your God! for YOUR SAVIOR! He died, so that we can have that intimacy that we were created for. Yes, we do not deserve Jesus' love and grace...but thats what grace is. something we do not deserve. so why not embrace it? give in to your own selfish thoughts, ways. forget about yourself, becuase its not about you...not everything is about you. something i have learned in the past couple years! it is definately not about me. there is something greater here. so why aren't we seeking like we should be, why arent we fighting like we should be? why arent we surrendering like we should be. all for the Glory of God.
so thats my frustration i suppose. i could just go on and on. but it just hit me last night. people need to realize. people need their eyes opened. we need to not be afraid to scream the name of Jesus. to fight for Jesus. because He has and continues to fight for us. so we owe it to Him.
so i beg you. to pray for boldness. for yourselves and for Jesus followers. to speak in boldness and confidence about this man who died on a cross. about an intimate relationship with an indescribeable God! this is great stuff people! so why are we not all praising Him?! why are we just so mellow. we should be EXCITED. PASSIONATE! we are free. we are spotless. we are made whole. we have the love of the creator. the favor of the creator! this is something and someone worthy to shout about!
this world needs to be shaken. eyes need to be opened. Have Your Way God. You are Holy.Give us boldness. Give us a passion for your name. May the cry of our hearts, be to give you Praise. You alone are worthy Jesus.
not us. but You. may we surrender.
"Children get your hearts right. God's coming for his pure bride" (Leeland)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)