Sentimental Moment

 I've been (and still am) processing most of my relationships recently. It's been quite interesting, and very emotional for me. Relationships are always changing, and always will be. As you grow up, as you learn what is really important, as you love people more and love yourself more and love Jesus more, and as seasons of life change, you are just always learning, and always evaluating your life. 

Every relationship takes work, takes effort, takes a fight to be kept and well maintained and healthy.

I have learned so much about relationships, through those who have stuck with me over the years. There have been many tears, many fears, many fights, many times of silence, many frustrations...but those relationships, I would give my life for those people in a heartbeat.

Currently, I am in a different season of life than almost all of my best friends. It's tough, and at times Satan throws lies my way....like that I'm pathetic....or that I am a burden to them....but then something great happens...I REMEMBER, that I have been incredibly blessed, with the bestest friends. I have friends who have stuck with me through the good and the bad. Who know how I process and know my crazy side. I have friends who only look out for my good and who care for me and take care of me. I have friends who love me unconditionally, and I know without a shadow of a doubt they will ALWAYS be there, no matter what life brings or what season of life we are all in. I am incredibly blessed. And when I remember these things, the lies go away. Satan is defeated. Because Christ has victory! His love, has overcome. 

So I encourage you all, fight for your friends. Those people who know you so deeply, allow them to love you, and love them back with Christ's love. Build deeper friendships with those Christ has put in your day to day path to walk life with. Be a best friend. It's not always going to feel good, or be enjoyable, but you must endure the hardships of friendship, for it is worth it. Once you come out of the fire, the relationships are only stronger, when rooted and grounded in Christ. It's a beautiful thing to have your heart knitted together with people who share your same love.

Whatever Your doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace

Sometimes you just have no clue what God is doing with your heart, or even your life.

    Since I went a week without social media, God has been doing something in my heart, and I have no clue what it is. Specific things are just touching my heart more and are challenging my heart and how I live my life and think about things more than normal. My desire for godliness and to be more like Jesus is immensely growing, and my own sin and even just my desire keeps breaking my heart as well.

My heart is longing for so many things all at the same time, and it's quite overwhelming at times. My heart is breaking over things I cannot have at this moment, over my own and this culture's attitude...and a number of other things. 

Yet, as I sit here, on my porch, journaling and talking to God, I can't help but be grateful, even amidst the turmoil, and frustration and heart ache and weariness (because I'm so tired..and not just physically). Because I know that God is good, I believe that with all of my heart because I have tasted and seen Him. I know He is active in my life, I know He is leading me, and wherever He leads me, whatever pain and fires I have to go through to be more like Christ is worth it because He went through hell...for me. And there is no way I can even fathom that. His torture, beatings...etc. and He gave up His own life...so that I could spend eternity with Him.

So I guess I share all of this to try and encourage you, that wherever you are at in life, whatever you are struggling through, God knows your desires, your heart, your pain, your turmoil, and He is trustworthy. Lay yourself down and embrace all He has for you, He is worthy of your entire life. Your body, your mind, your heart, your actions, your obedience...He is worthy. And He is definitely worth it. He is our prize.

"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17