It Is Well...

I am forgetful when I am weary.

But deep down, there is this whisper in the depths of my heart that I know, that I know...this is what I am created for.

I'm no expert in leading worship.

I have no desire to be on stage. To be center stage. To have people watching me, following me, listening to me. To even lead people. But I do desire to worship and honor God.

May we love God enough, to do not what we want to do, but to do what He has created for us to do. I know what that is for me. I cannot explain it. All that I know, is that my whole being comes alive when I am worshipping as a part of a team who's goal is to exalt our God.

Recently, I have taken a little over a month off of being on the worship team at my church. I was burned out and in a dry season spiritually. Last week was my first week back, and I was quite nervous. I felt a bit like a stranger, even though it had only been a month. I wondered if I would be welcomed, if I would have an attack that has become normal, if worship would still seem dry to me. 

Well, it's amazing what God does in such a short period of time, with a little rest.

For the first time in about 2 years, I felt the most calm that I can ever remember. 

I barelly sang, but I didn't even need to. When I can hear the people of God's bride singing..that is enough for my heart to explode in adoration of God. My worship is so enriched by being able to see and hear the bride of Christ worship their Creator. I also actually enjoyed playing keys, for the first time in a really long time. 

I felt revived.

Tonight I was practicing for Sunday, prepping to lead and I can't remember the last time I have been this excited to worship. To worship alongside brothers and sisters who are madly in love with Christ.

I still woud prefer not to be on stage. But...

God has done a great work in my heart over the past few years within worship. He has taught me a lot, and challenged my attitude a lot. I've wanted to quit often, but every time, I just couldn't. Everytime, I learn something deeper, and am taken deeper in my relationship with God.

I believe that all this time, God has been showing me the preciousness of obedience. This takes time, this takes suffering, it takes perseverence, and it takes being obedient (obviously). The more we practice obedience, the more natural it becomes. When we walk in obedience, there is contentment and satisfaction in our Savior, and in what He is asking us to do. There is not a need to do what we desire, but a need to do what the One who loves us desires. This is worship. This is walking with Christ. This is love.

So don't lose heart. have rest. be faithful. be patient.

The LORD is your Shepherd.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

(During my 'rest,' I fell in love and took great encouragement in this song by bethel...http://youtu.be/hkJlIP22LH4 )

Satisfy me Lord

Satisfy- to fulfill the desires, expectations, NEEDS...; to put an end to (desire, want, need) by sufficient or ample provision.

Until the other day, I hadn't really thought about a new year.

 It's winter outside...and if I am being honest, it feels like winter in my heart as well. I don't really have much to say, just that I know, and I believe that Christ satisfies our every longing. My every need, my every longing, my every desire and want, He is there. He knows them. He see's them and He provides upon need. He satisfies.

I know as long as I am on this earth, in this human body, there will always seem to be something missing, a void. But I also believe, that God is greater than that void, that feeling, and that He can fill it. So i guess the cry of my heart this year, this winter season, and all future seasons, is that Jesus will satisfy me. Not with what I am expecting, but with His will, His greater plans and desires for me. That my satisfaction will be found in Christ and Christ alone. That my vision will not be blurred, that my doubts will not prevail, that I will obey and heed His call, that I will follow wherever the Spirit takes me, day to day. I can be satisfied. I will be satisfied, in Jesus Christ, my LORD. my Savior. my Redeemer. my Friend.

My part...to believe. To seek God, earnestly. To pray, to be faithful.

My prayer: to be joyful in winter and in the journey. No matter how tired or worn or frustrated I am. God is worth every tear, every drop of sweat, every sore muscle, every headache, every  touch of pain, every piece of effort....He is worth everything.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." Hebrews 12:3-4