Late night meditations

There is so much depth to the love of my God.

As I sit wide awake mentally, and extremely tired physically here at 1:30am, with God laying people on my heart, and thinking about how much I love this person, and that person, and yet My heart loves them in such completely different ways, I can't help but think about the depth of His love.

  We can love others in a way that Paul loved Timothy, as a spiritual parent. We can love others like David and Jonathan, in a deep friendship....

For me, it feels impossible to express in words, as many things are when it comes to my Heavenly Father. And I am okay with that, because He is so other than. 

Either way, our hearts yearn for others. The more we experience different emotions, the more open our hearts become to the love of God. The deeper we feel, the deeper we love. And for some this may be frightening, and it sure can be. But it is also a complete privilege, and incredible blessing. For to have the heart of God, we must love like Him.

   And when I sit and think about those my heart deeply loves, I realize how much more the LORD loves....because He loves perfectly, without sin. Where we love imperfectly, while on this earth, because of sin. We forsake the love we feel and have  all the time. But God never forsakes His love for His creation; for us. And we can rest in Him. Wherever we are at, whatever walk of life we are in. He is faithful, and abounding in grace and love. 

Allow yourself to fall in love. With Jesus. With people. Your life will be changed. Your heart will change. Your mindset will change. Allow the perfect Love of Christ to bring redemption and freedom to your life.

He is Good. 

I leave you with a probably the most popular Psalm out there. But one of my favorites, for the mighty comfort and peace and truth it brings.

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. 

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " 

Psalm 23

I'll take a side of grace with that please!

There's been some odd things happening/going on in me very recently. Some which I'm not so willing to disclose to you, but some being such as blogging so incredibly much...lol, and most recently...currently...not really sleeping.

If you know me, you probably know that I never have a problem sleeping. I can sleep anytime, anywhere. And I sleep good. I rarely wake up in the middle of the night. If I do, I assume The Lord has someone for me to pray for, or some reason that I am not sure of.

4 out of the last 5 nights have been the most uncomfortable, and the worst nights of sleeping for me probably that I can remember. I have no clue what The Lord is doing in and through me, which is a common theme in this new season of life, there are many things I am having to adjust in my life and am learning. And i sure do hope this not sleeping thing....does not last like I hope some of the other things going on in my life do.

I'm not quite sure where I am going with this blog, seeing as it is 230am, but I guess one thing, just even from this past week that I am learning....is that you just need to endure. I am not in control of my life. I can't control what I feel...i can't control my sleeping patterns (I'm not one for medication...for myself) I sometimes can't even control what I do (especially in times of worship in the presence of God.) God is always sanctifying us, to become more like Him. For which I am grateful, for that is my ultimate desire; to be more like Christ.

I love how God works in my life. I love the crazy things He does, and is currently doing. 

Earlier this past week, my attitude was full of frustration when things didn't go as I had expected...now I can tell at the end of that week/beginning of a new week, my attitude is a much different one. One that embraces what is put before me, and takes it with grace. I still may need a bit more grace, but the frustration levels are significantly lower. And I praise God for that, and am grateful that He has heard my prayers and is answering my prayers. 

"It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:7-11

Just when I started to not think badly of winter....

Today, I didn't start off on the right foot. I drive Amish, and it snowed last night, and my car is only front-wheel drive. I was sliding a lot, I got stuck in a ditch and had 2 Amish men push me out....then after dropping off the last of my teachers, I couldn't make it up this one hill. I was alone, and had tried 3 times and I was so close....but my car just started going backwards. And all the nasty inside of me came out....cursing and full on bloody murder screaming. Not my finest moment...so after backing down the hill and talking to my mom I decided to go a different road....which only had worse hills....and then caused me to get stuck in a ditch...again. I think I had gotten most of my frustration out....so I just sat there and tried calling people but I had no service. 

In the end, I was able to get a hold of my mom and her, my sister in law and brother and Don came to my rescue. 

This isn't the first time I've reacted negatively when it comes to stressful situations, especially involving my car. This is actually the 2nd time, in 2 weeks....I decided, while I have the time to just sit there and wait, that I should probably read my bible and talk to God while waiting....and I kept asking God what He is trying to show me through this...because In my other blog shortly, u will see that I have entered a new spiritual season of life.

   I have been reading 1 Peter and the verse "be holy, as I am holy." Sent conviction to my heart. I did not respond in holiness to my circumstances. I acted in sin. Where I could have trusted God and been calm that it would all work out, I unleashed profanities. Which shows me where my heart is, and especially in high stress moments. I have an attitude. And I let this attitude get the best of me a lot of times. I react in this attitude before I react in a godly manner. And clearly that needs to change.

  But at the same time, Gods love and grace and blessings are continually being lavished on me...and that's just God works in my life. I am continually blown away by my God! 

   I'm grateful for a God who forgives, and who sanctifies and convicts and who is full of grace and loves me even when I'm at my ugliest. And amidst all of that, He still comes to my rescue and gives me just what I need.

Sometimes...u just have to laugh at life's circumstances, don't take yourself so seriously.

"But as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct...when he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 1:15; 2:23-24

Worship Passage

Over the past couple of months Ive been dealing with a lot of anxiety when it comes to leading worship. This past time I lead, I had read Hebrews 12 the Saturday before, and that really helped to put my mind on Jesus. And one thing I have been learning, especially since that Sunday about 3 weeks ago....is that I love the power and glory of God. His power and glory is something not to take lightly. And He reveals Himself in such ways....! 

I do not lead worship tomorrow, but tonight I'm just sitting in my bed and feel led to read that passage, and just found myself praying for tomorrow's worship service. And I can't help but be excited, to see what God will do, and to just be able to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. 

I also decided to make this chapter my 'worship chapter.' The chapter I read before worship every Sunday. The chapter I go to when preparing for worship. The chapter I pray for, when it comes to worship. Because we worship a Holy, Almighty, Powerful God. And our worship to Him,  should not be taken lightly, which we often do.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? 

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." 

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?

For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.

For you have not come to what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest

and the sound of a trumpet and a voice whose words made the hearers beg that no further messages be spoken to them. For they could not endure the order that was given, "If even a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned." Indeed, so terrifying was the sight that Moses said, "I tremble with fear."

But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect,

and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." This phrase, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of things that are shaken-that is, things that have been made-in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."

Hebrews 12