We are all broken.
We all at some points, act out of that hurt.
Hurting people, hurt people.
I've heard this be said for a number of years now. And as I have always agreed with this statement, it never fully settled into my heart, until this season I am currently in.
You see, I have been hurt all of my life. By words, by actions, by ignorance, by unmet expectations, by facial expressions, by avoidance, by fear, by physical pain...some brought on by myself, some by strangers, and some by those closest to me. I am 110% positive, that whoever you are reading this, can 110% relate. Because we are God's creations living in a sinful human body. Hurt is going to be apart of our lives, in this imperfect world. The question is, (big pause) what are we going to do with this hurt we feel?
Are we going to run and hide from it? act like it doesn't exist.
because when we do that, thats usually when anger and bitterness arise. it might take, oh, lets say 20 years....or 3 years.....or 5 minutes....but i can guarantee you, emotions will rise.
Are we going to recognize it? confront it. whether thats the person who hurt you, or just the thing that hurts.
Are we going to let it go?
In order to let the hurt go, we have to be able to recognize it. and not just recognize it, but allow ourselves to feel the hurt. to walk through it. to not fear it. beause when we walk through it, whether its years of hurt, a lifetime of hurt, or a moment of hurt, there is always redemption and healing and restoration on the other side, in the Kingdom of God because we have the Healer, and the bestest Friend and person who understands our hurt in Jesus Christ.
My hurts from my childhood, teenage years, and adulthood thus far, have caught up with me. I was/am an emotional runner. I feel most everything very intensely and deeply. So when my hurts (which hadn't been dealt with, but swept under the rug so to speak) caught up with me over this past year, particularly the last couple of months with a new season of life, I ran. I ran from people, my community, myself, my emotions, my heart, my God...
and anger and bitterness swelled up inside of me. They took over my hurt. Eventually, my actions came out of that place and becasue of that I have some apologizing and forgiveness asking to do. (Which is in the works, i just need some courage.) But through all of the running and hurt and anger, God was and is still pursuing me. I fought hard, to win....but fighting against God....never goes well. He always wins. And softly, gently, quietly, and patiently, He has been whispering, moving, tenderizing my heart again. Bringing back the pieces of me that I have lost over the past couple of years, only with more depth. Bringing light to my hurts, and making me walk through them, and the best part is that I haven't been alone. I have been trying to be alone, but He has not let me alone. Because He is faithful, and loves unconditionally. Even when we try to hurt Him, and purposely ignore Him, He still is right there waiting for us...only there are often consequences (seeing as He is Holy and a Father!).
I share all of this for this simple reason: To hopefully spur you on. To spur you on to endurance, to go deeper, to stop running, to embrace what God has for you now no matter how glamorous, or completely ugly of a place/season it is. To not be afraid of your emotions and/or what you are capable of or not capable of because God is greater and if you submit, He will redeem and restore you. You can't win on your own. No matter how hard you fight. you can't win against Christ. He will ALWAYS win, so if you're going to fight, your better of fighting for Him, and not against Him.
His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. For we are like sheep who have gone astray, yet the Lord laid our iniquity on His Son, Jesus Christ, to make us righteous. And out of the anguish of Jesus' soul He saw you and me made perfect by His blood and was satisfied.
