I'm letting you see my insecurities right now....
I haven't done this in a really long time. and so this really bothers me. But I tend to compare myself. to the people around me. Which just strips me of who I am, and the confidence that God has built in me.
and i think the comparisons, stem from my jealous heart. I see God moving in people's lives, exciting things! i see their personalities, and how people just love being around them. i see them being able to be in these conversations and with these people that are just encouraging and ltos of fun, and challenging spiritually...while im at work...
and i know that these people, may not always even get to do these things...so why do i compare and get jealous?! i want to be in that perosns shoes. i want to be among those conversations...
i want to be a person ppl look forward to spending time with. i want to be an exciting person. my friends know im 'boring', and they just accept it. which is great. but do i accept it?! i dont want to be considered as boring.
but if thats what i am, thats what i am right?!
i know im not doing myself any good by focusing and these comparisons. i am, who i am. God IS moving in my life, and doing a lot which is very exciting and im excited for the future. yes, i get antsy sometimes with just working. but he continuously blesses me at work, with the great ppl i work with and great conversations with them...like today for instance. so why can i be happy w that?! i am happy w that. but why do i keep seeking MORE!? is it wrong to seek more than the blessings that He is giving me? i mean...I need to learn to be content. I have learned to be content. there are just times when i don't WANT to be content...when i wonder...right...when is my life going to move on......when do my talents appear and get to be in full use ?!?! or even...what are my talents?!
my heart....is selfish and jealous. my heart...at times...is not content. my heart...always seeks more. my heart....feels a lot. my mind...tends to go with what my heart feels...
So God...control my heart. My heart is yours. Cleanse it. Purify It. so that I can see you. (matthew 5:8) May i encourage people with my words. May my heart be FULL of your LOVE, for you, for myself, and for others. May comparisons not matter to me. may i be confident in who i am...in you. may i be content with JUST you. may my eyes be FIXED on You Jesus. because when they are fixed on You...everything turns okay. everything else fades. and I am in your embrace. May my life, be in that embrace...always.
You hold my heart. Mend it. Mold it.
I just want you. only you.
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