It's an odd thing to say goodbye to someone who was once such a part of your life everyday, and then one day, because of growing up and life happening, and maybe other circumstances, they aren't apart of your life everyday. But maybe once a month, maybe once a year, or every couple years, or maybe even not at all, (whether just for a time, or for a really long time). And then, they are gone from this earth.
And you ask questions...
Could I, should I, have done more to keep in touch?
Could I, should I, have made more of an impact if only....
...
Regret in past relationships can creep in, but the past, is the past. You can't change what happened, where your life went, where their life went. You can only choose whether to remain in discontent and questioning, or to be grateful for the time you had together, the season of life you shared, and to remember the individual you loved so dearly.
Death has never really affected me. I haven't had many people I care about die, at all. Until this past year, so this is a new thing for me to be walking through. My heart is deeply saddened in ways that it is difficult to describe, and even process. But I do know that death is nothing to be fearful of, for those who are found in Christ. But it definately makes you think, and process the relationships you have.
Am i making the most out of the time I have with those God has put in my life in the present?
Being in ministry, I meet a lot of people. I am and have been involved in hundreds of people's lives over the past 8-9 years of ministry. I have had great successes, and great failures in relationships. Ive stayed in contact with many, and have lost touch with many. I have been greatly hurt and have done the hurting in many relationships, I have given more than I ever could have imagined, and I have not given enough a lot of times. But what I believe I have just learned, it is all worth it. All the heart-ache, all the suffering, all the joyous times, all the laughter, all the tears, all the frustration, all the prayers, all the rejoicing, all the chill times...are worth every effort I've ever made. I have grown weary, my friend who just passed, grew weary. And Jesus is worth growing weary for.
So what if I have been hurt. So what if I am tired. If things (even people) don't go the way I expected, or planned. My life, is not about me. It is about honoring Christ, and leading people into an intimacy with their Father, Creator, Friend...and walking life with them, the time that God has given me with them.
So i exhort you, reader, (and myself), to not grow weary. To do the work because we were created to work hard, to toil, to be in relationships. Do The Work. Sweat. Cry. Don't sleep. Pray. Laugh. All you can do, and have to do for the sake of Christ and being like Him and walking WITH Him, and with people. Don't give up on people, on your relationships, let the past be the past, live in the now, come to be at peace with Christ, trust Him, surrender everything to Him, please. Love others, with the love of Christ. Love yourself with the love of Christ. Forgive. Have grace. Don't life defeated, and please don't die defeated. God can heal. God can bring peace and rest. God brings redemption and victory. Jesus already won the victory and has made you righteous and whole! Just walk with Him.
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9
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