Faithfulness. A top quality.

I am grateful that my God is faithful. Even when I am not.

Each day with my emotions and moods and thoughts and actions... I forsake Him.

I am an unfaithful bride to my faithful bridegroom.

As much as this sickens me and breaks my heart, because I love my bridegroom; sin just takes over, what makes me grateful, is my bridegrooms faithfulness. It is all inclusive: full of grace...

He pursues me, He redeems me, He forgives me, He loves me, He is faithful to me, He is merciful to me.

I know Him. And I don't just know about Him, but I KNOW Him. I know His character, I know what makes Him mad, I know what makes Him happy....He has made Himself known to me, and I know that He knows me. Better than I even know myself. He knows what I need, He knows how to bless me and how to hold me back. He knows my character. He knows my heart. 

And still He pursues, He loves, He forgives, He desires...

     

  Who wouldn't love a man like that?

Responsibility of a Disciple

You know those moments when you are just going about your normal everyday life, and out of nowhere this crazy realization comes to you and everything seems to make sense.....I had one of those  this past week. It brought quite a bit of conviction, but it also brought immense joy that a

I have been missing recently.

This was my realization...

    There comes a time when we, as adults, and as disciples, need to start taking responsibility for ourselves. We need to move on from immaturity, to maturity. 

    It's seems so simple...and like a 'duh' moment, but it's so much more complicated when you are living in it; and this is why...

    When we are being discipled, there is a point (especially at the beginning) when all of the attention is on us, and on our growth and areas we need to work on and become more like Jesus. We have people who are constantly pouring into us, constantly encouraging us, constantly pushing us and taking notice of us....but there comes a time, when that stops. It doesn't stop completely, but it stops enough to almost make it feel that way. We begin to feel abandoned, and fall back into old thought patterns and probably even new ones.

   We become dependent upon our disciples. Dependent on their attention, and pushing and encouragement in order for us to grow...but we must move onto maturity. 

   Moving onto maturity is us taking responsibility for our own growth and not depending on other people to make us do it. Maturity is us having learned how to follow Jesus and then following. Maturity is us being dependent on Christ, rather than on our disciplers. 

So we as disciples have a choice...whether to continue growing once other disciples have come along to be discipled, or to just mope in self pity because we are no longer the ones with all the attention. Our identity and purpose and confidence can very easily be put into the attention our disciplers give us....but I beg you, from experience, pray against that. Pray that no matter what, your identity and purpose and confidence is and will always be grounded and rooted in Jesus Christ. That is where your unending joy comes from! 

Take responsibility. Grow. Be a true disciple. Move on to maturity. Depend on Christ. And Follow Jesus.

"For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil." Hebrews 5:12-13

Morning thoughts.

The heart of God is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

And He shares His heart with us. 

What a privilege.

He enjoys sharing His heart with us. He wants to share His heart with us.

What a gift.

God is full of gifts.

Always lavishing (I love this word) us with gifts from Him.

Because He loves us.

With an UNCONDITIONAL love.

Which is so hard for us to grasp, because everything we tend to do is conditional.

But not God.

Praise be to Him!

Deep down, we all want to share our heart with people.

Only fear, and pride hold us back.

Nothing holds God back from sharing His heart with us.

Not even our fear and pride.

For He is greater.

He will push through to share His heart with us.

Just ask.

Sometimes we don't even have to ask.

But He likes it when we do.

Just like we want to be wanted, so does God.

Matthew 7:11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! 

Walls

We all have walls in our hearts.

Some have more than others.

They come in all shapes and sizes.

Some of ours are taller, some of ours are thicker and some of ours encircle our whole heart.

But like the walls of Jericho, they will eventually all come tumbling down. (I encourage you to read the story and compare it to walls of our own hearts. It's a good thing I'm finding to ponder and study. The story is in Joshua 6) 

  

As believer's, followers of Jesus Christ, we are united in Him. Making us all family, since we are all co-heirs and children of God! 

What I have been rather convicted of in the past week is that we are to proclaim the power and victory of God.

    "For the Kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power." 1 Corinthians 4:20

We are to walk in victory for ourselves and we are also to fight for our fellow brothers and sisters. To proclaim victory not only for ourselves, but for others (or for some, this may need to be vice versa). 

We need to SHOUT, the glory of God, His power and Authority over all the walls in our lives. We need to be persistent in the fighting and not lose hope, in the tearing down of these walls of our hearts.

I am just as guilty, if not worse, than those that God reveals to me with specific walls. I pray for them, I proclaim truth for them, I declare Gods goodness and His victory, yet I forget how many walls I have and even how much thicker and taller they have become over the past year. I am guilty of not being persistent enough in prayer. I am guilty of walking around defeated, everyday. 

God wants to tear down our walls. They do no good in community, and relationships. They bring lack of trust and disunity. How is that honoring to God?

Proclaim the victory and power of God. Let Him tear down your walls piece by piece, chunk by chunk. It will be extremely painful and uncomfortable, but it is nothing in comparison to a death on a cross.

Trusting God is a battle

 

Recently, I have found myself asking the question…
   “Do I really trust God?”

I’m finding that recently more and more I think about my future… and with that, I’m seeing the lack of trust I have, and that is just not cool.

I get too caught up in wondering if I will get married…and with that thought process…what if getting married will take me away from Off The Wall? take me away from the life I love and feel called to. Will I have kids? How much will it affect how I do ministry? Do I really want those things then?
…or,
Well, what if I don’t get married? Will I still be able somehow to have kids?
Will I ever have enough money to survive comfortably?

….and so the questions can go on and on and the scenarios can continue to be played out in my mind.

And amidst all of those questions, and thoughts, I’m just trying to play out what my life will look like. I’m just trying to play god. To maintain control of what direction I take and where God leads my life. When really, I have zero control over any of the things I so often find myself wondering about.

When really, all I need to do is just trust God. I’ve actually fallen asleep, with tears in my eyes, repeating the words “I trust You God” recently. I need that reminder, that deep down, I do trust Him. Because reality is, it is really hard to trust God at times.

But why?! I have no reason not to trust Him. He has never failed me, and His Word says He never will. He is always faithful. And He has blessed me so much with a life full of my dreams and desires, so why would I think that He would want to take all of that away just to take it away.
I fully believe that He is Good.

Yet the sin inside of me, my depraved nature, tells me otherwise. It tries to trip me up. And a lot of times, it doesn’t just try, but it succeeds. And that’s when I realize that I haven’t been trusting my Creator, my Father. And that’s when I repent, and ask for forgiveness.

Because I do trust Him.

 

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Philippians 4:6-8

Oh life....

We are afraid to be vulnerable with others. I am one of those people. I can be a bit hypocritical at time actually in this. I tell people I am an open book, just ask, but when it comes down to it, whenever asked about the present....very few people get the whole story. And admittedly, this entry is not the whole story, nor do I think that it needs to be. Many people don't need to know my deepest darkest secrets. But there still is a lot of vulnerability in this entry, and the reason being, that this is what The Lord laid on my heart to share. So I encourage you, to not be afraid to be vulnerable. Probably not everything... For there is a lot to learn in being vulnerable...but be real. Be honest. Some people may need to hear what you have to say.

So with that preface....

Emotions tend to make life difficult. Hormones tend to make life difficult. Sin tends to make life difficult. 

   

So when you put all these in one...what do you get?

      Human beings. You. Me. Us.

I don't believe that emotions are bad, they let us know that we are alive, that there is something going on inside of us. Hormones...( yup...) Sin...is never a good thing.

This weekend for me was a very emotional weekend. A lot of insecurity, a lot of past lies resurfacing, a lot of complete selfishness in my thinking and actions, some hurt and a lot of frustration and discontent with God and with myself. I was so affected, it affected how I worshipped (or lack there of), how I spent time with God, my attitude...everything.

   Needless to say, I'm thankful for a new week. Thankful for a day to just be with the LORD alone. To ask forgiveness, to worship, to read, to allow the grace and love and forgiveness of God to wash over me.

     

My point(s) in sharing this with you, is that I don't have it all together. I have my major weaknesses, things that at times Satan just pounds me with. I don't always have the best attitude. I'm very selfish. I'm very emotional. I'm not always all about Jesus or always feel madly in love with Him. Majority of times I have no clue what to do with what is going on in my heart and mind. I've no clue usually how to express the love I have, and that is actually quite painful. I do get hurt, and my heart is actually quite soft. I'm figuring this whole life thing out too. 

      I'm just like you. We are all just like you. 

In high school I used to feel like I wasn't going to have a normal life....and to most Americans, my life isn't normal with working in a church and working in a ministry where we disciple full time. It's my dream job. But this life is normal. In the kingdom of God, this is what we are supposed to be doing. Ministry. Whether we are vocational or we are tent makers and work. The only thing that makes me unique or special is the blood of Jesus Christ and His righteousness. 

And my main point in admidst all of these unexpected words...is that we all have emotions and hormones. Male and female. And although they may not be bad (I actually believe emotions are a great thing), it's how we respond to these emotions and hormones that can cause us to sin. And like we must learn with the sin in our lives to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, so we must do with our emotions and hormones. Our feelings should never be greater than Jesus. And that is what I allowed this weekend. And for that, I ask for forgiveness. 

We must learn to submit, and though we may feel something, to not make it greater than Jesus in our lives and whatever thoughts come from those feelings, to take those thoughts captive, and make them obedient to Christ. So that He may be honored. 

"So as to walk in a manner worthy of The Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10

A new heart

 

The older I am getting, the more emotional I am becoming. And the more emotional I become, the deeper I am loving.

I never knew that my heart was capable of feeling the emotions it feels. I never knew I was capable of feeling such love towards people I barely know. I never knew I could be so proud of individuals and a group of people. I never knew that I would ever be able to feel the love I do towards people like I do now and this is only the beginning I feel.
  It seems as though words can’t even do justice the amount of love I feel in my heart. It almost hurts at times.
  And I KNOW that this love, comes from Christ. it is just a glimpse of the love He has for me. For us, His bride. It is a love that would cause someone to completely empty themselves for the sake of others. I want this love to continue to grow to that point. It is the kind of love that desires to serve another, no matter what the service may be. It is the kind of love that see’s beyond the surface….

I enjoy getting older. Im glad that Ive experienced much turmoil these past 2 years, because it has only grown my emotions to a deeper level of love, understanding, grace… and to connect better. I still have a lot of growing to do. There are more attacks than ever before with these deeper emotions but if they cause me to be more like Christ and help me to grow more in love, I’m all in, because loving people, is seriously one of the greatest blessings of Christ.

God is good. God can and will do what may seem impossible. Your greatest fear, is what He has already overcome. and He transforms us. He’s transformed me. He’s taken a girl who used to hate people and love spending time by herself hours a day, to a girl who doesn’t even know how to react to all the love she feels for those in her life and looks forward to times spent with people and would rather be with people than alone.
     This all is new to me. This all is so odd to me. And I love it.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26