Because...Love

Overwhelm- to load, heap, treat, or address with an overpowering or excessive amount of anything; to cover or bury beneath a mass something; to overcome completely in mind or feeling.

It's easy when one is overwhelmed and tired to want to give up. To quit the fight. This more often than I like, is me. The other week I had these feelings immensly, and as i lay bawling my eyes out in my bed late at night, the Holy Spirit reminded me why I am in this fight. Why I do, what I do. Why I get so involved in the messy lives of people. Why i care so much. Why i give so much time. Why I must endure.

Jesus. I saw Him carrying His cross. Sweating and bleeding. Bent over. Weary. Broken. Overwhelmed. I saw Him on the cross. Asking God why He has forsaken Him. I saw Him in the garden praying before all of this, asking the Father to take this cup away from Him. I saw the whips beating Him. The sodiers insulting Him. I saw the crowds mocking Him. I saw what looked like utter hopelessness.

But what I also saw.....was Love. Love, that perseveres. Love, that protects. Love, that knows what He is doing. Love, that knows His purpose. Love, that carried the weight of the whole world. The weight of the ENTIRE human race...past, present and future. Love, that see's the victory and knows what is ahead. Love, that is not proud. Love, that keeps no record of wrongs. 

Jesus veiled His glory, came to earth as a baby, grew up as a child, became a man, ministered to His people, became involved in millions of people's lives, and eventually died the most horrific death....and then AROSE from the dead, because.....LOVE.

I pray LORD, that Your love may grow deeper in me. That I may have more of a capacity to understand it, to feel it, to be motivated by it, and to live it.

It Is Well...

I am forgetful when I am weary.

But deep down, there is this whisper in the depths of my heart that I know, that I know...this is what I am created for.

I'm no expert in leading worship.

I have no desire to be on stage. To be center stage. To have people watching me, following me, listening to me. To even lead people. But I do desire to worship and honor God.

May we love God enough, to do not what we want to do, but to do what He has created for us to do. I know what that is for me. I cannot explain it. All that I know, is that my whole being comes alive when I am worshipping as a part of a team who's goal is to exalt our God.

Recently, I have taken a little over a month off of being on the worship team at my church. I was burned out and in a dry season spiritually. Last week was my first week back, and I was quite nervous. I felt a bit like a stranger, even though it had only been a month. I wondered if I would be welcomed, if I would have an attack that has become normal, if worship would still seem dry to me. 

Well, it's amazing what God does in such a short period of time, with a little rest.

For the first time in about 2 years, I felt the most calm that I can ever remember. 

I barelly sang, but I didn't even need to. When I can hear the people of God's bride singing..that is enough for my heart to explode in adoration of God. My worship is so enriched by being able to see and hear the bride of Christ worship their Creator. I also actually enjoyed playing keys, for the first time in a really long time. 

I felt revived.

Tonight I was practicing for Sunday, prepping to lead and I can't remember the last time I have been this excited to worship. To worship alongside brothers and sisters who are madly in love with Christ.

I still woud prefer not to be on stage. But...

God has done a great work in my heart over the past few years within worship. He has taught me a lot, and challenged my attitude a lot. I've wanted to quit often, but every time, I just couldn't. Everytime, I learn something deeper, and am taken deeper in my relationship with God.

I believe that all this time, God has been showing me the preciousness of obedience. This takes time, this takes suffering, it takes perseverence, and it takes being obedient (obviously). The more we practice obedience, the more natural it becomes. When we walk in obedience, there is contentment and satisfaction in our Savior, and in what He is asking us to do. There is not a need to do what we desire, but a need to do what the One who loves us desires. This is worship. This is walking with Christ. This is love.

So don't lose heart. have rest. be faithful. be patient.

The LORD is your Shepherd.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

(During my 'rest,' I fell in love and took great encouragement in this song by bethel...http://youtu.be/hkJlIP22LH4 )

Satisfy me Lord

Satisfy- to fulfill the desires, expectations, NEEDS...; to put an end to (desire, want, need) by sufficient or ample provision.

Until the other day, I hadn't really thought about a new year.

 It's winter outside...and if I am being honest, it feels like winter in my heart as well. I don't really have much to say, just that I know, and I believe that Christ satisfies our every longing. My every need, my every longing, my every desire and want, He is there. He knows them. He see's them and He provides upon need. He satisfies.

I know as long as I am on this earth, in this human body, there will always seem to be something missing, a void. But I also believe, that God is greater than that void, that feeling, and that He can fill it. So i guess the cry of my heart this year, this winter season, and all future seasons, is that Jesus will satisfy me. Not with what I am expecting, but with His will, His greater plans and desires for me. That my satisfaction will be found in Christ and Christ alone. That my vision will not be blurred, that my doubts will not prevail, that I will obey and heed His call, that I will follow wherever the Spirit takes me, day to day. I can be satisfied. I will be satisfied, in Jesus Christ, my LORD. my Savior. my Redeemer. my Friend.

My part...to believe. To seek God, earnestly. To pray, to be faithful.

My prayer: to be joyful in winter and in the journey. No matter how tired or worn or frustrated I am. God is worth every tear, every drop of sweat, every sore muscle, every headache, every  touch of pain, every piece of effort....He is worth everything.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." Hebrews 12:3-4

Faithfulness

Faithful- to be steady in allegience or affection; loyal; constant. 

           - reliable; trusted; believed.

For the past few years, I have heard people refer to me as a very loyal person. 

Recently, I here and there am being reminded, and seeing how that really is true of myself. I am faithful...faithful to my church. to my family. to my friends. to the people I care about. Faithful to God, and with growing. I don't tend to waver in my allegience to those people and things I trust with everything I am.

Granted, I am not perfect. There are times when I contemplate what it would be like to go elsewhere, do something else. But I am quickly stopped in that way of thinking. Where my heart is, there my thoughts remain. 

I guess I say all of this because, recently I've been in a rut. Worn out, really is just what it all came down to. I believe a part of my struggle with becoming worn-out, is that I never think I am doing enough. Or that what I am doing, should make me tired. I guess you could say I subconsciously believe that I am super-woman. Which I know in fact, I am not. When I am worn-out, I become discontent. And when I am discontent, I focus on my sin, yes, but mostly, I focus on what season of life I am. I try to figure out my life, analyze what's going on and why I struggle with what I am struggling with....etc. But the other day, while at work, I had this amazing revelation. 

         I need to stop focusing on what season I am in, and just be faithful. Walk WITH God. He is Sovereign, so as I am walking with Him, in whatever season of life I am in, His will, will be done. I will be molded and changed more into His image and likeness than I was before. I don't have to analyze it all, or understand it, or KNOW what exactly is happening and what I need to do, because that is constantly changing. The thing I should ALWAYS be doing, is walking WITH God. and Being faithful in what He has given me now. The work. The people. The life. The rest. The busyness. Faithful in it all. Because Jesus gives me all that I NEED, right now, in this moment, with Him.

The Psalms abound with verses of God's faithfulness. The least we can do is honor God's faithfulness, by giving Him our faithfulness.

So will you check your heart, and ask God to make you faithful?

"One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much." Luke 16:10

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithfulman who can find?" Proverbs 20:6

"A wicked messenger falls into trouble, but a faithful ambassador brings health." Proverbs 13:17

Why are you cast down, o my soul?

As I'm sitting in a coffee shop, waiting to head to my Doctor's appointment, I'm reading Hebrews 10 and praying and thinking about all of our students at Off The Wall. Thinking about that age, and the conversations I've had with some of them over the last few weeks. Thinking about some of the things I've noticed, observed, without even speaking to some of them. 

   Young adults drive me crazy and frustrate me and affect me more than any other age group I think. But I love them with all of my heart. I understand them. I feel for them. I've been there, and basically am there. I know what it's like, and I believe it's such a key age in life to grow and to take Jesus seriously and make some big decisions. They need each other, they need people, they need friends, they need family, they need community, They need the church, they need Jesus, they need discipled, they need love and grace...

     So as I'm praying for individuals, Psalm 42 comes to mind...

1 As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. 

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? 

3 My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" 

4 These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. 

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation 

6 and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. 

7 Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. 

8 By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. 

9 I say to God, my rock: "Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" 

10 As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" 

11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. 

My prayer is that their souls pant for God. And that with that desperation for God, they follow Him whenever He takes them. That they learn He is for them, and has great plans and works prepared for them, that they are His and every ounce of who they are is found in Him and no one or anything else. That they learn to hear His voice and listen to Him and follow, walk, in obedience to the one who has saved their souls and is sanctifying them to be more like Christ and has redeemed them. That there is hope, no matter how fearful, how insecure, how broken, how angry, how sinful...there is forgiveness. That there is rejoicing. They have every reason to be joyful and to rejoice in the LORD. That Jesus is the most important relationship, person in their life and that their hearts are pure and always seeking after Him. That they love His words and eat them up for God has written them on our hearts and minds. That they know that the. Holy Spirit has equipped them for everything they need in this life to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel and the calling they have received. 

  And that they don't just know Christ, but believe in Him and the power of His resurreection. That they walk WITH Him and not just beside or behind Him. That they know and BELIEVE and can see that they are loved with an unconditional love. A love that doesn't judge them for their wrongs, but embraces who they are and where they are at. A love that will speak openly and honestly with them and hold them when they are weak and one that walks with them through all seasons of life. 

 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12 

   

✌️ brethren. 

Come Away with Me

38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.

39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.

40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me."

41 But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,

42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42

The majority of my life, I have been Mary. It has always been easiest for me to just sit at the feet of Jesus. For hours.

It seems that the older I am getting, the more responsibility I am receiving, and with that goes more of my time and focus and energy. Which then means, especially most recently, my hours of time at the feet of Christ, don't happen like they used to. Recently, don't happen often at all if I am being honest. 

It is easy to get caught up in life. Especially when there is so much going on in and around you, in your community of people. I have been reminded in the past couple of weeks of life being non-stop, and many attacks and circumstances arising in my life and in the lives of people I care about deeply, that  idefinately have lost this art of Mary....of sitting at the feet of Jesus. I have been fearful, I have been anxious, I have been insecure, I have been overwhelmed and stressed. All because I have not been trying to take care and deal with life on my own, talking to God along the way, but never taking moments to just stop for even a half hour...just to sit at my precious Savior and Friend's feet. To just be with Him. 

And I'm a quality time person. 

So I encourage whoever is reading this, spend some time with Jesus today. Just you, and Him. Read His words, His life, Worship Him in the way you worship best paint with Him, walk/run with Him, write to Him....just spend time with Him. He is jealous for you. He is with you. Always. Fall in love with Him, all over again. 

I encourage you to watch/listen to this song, it's just on my heart this afternoon, and speaks perfectly to where I'm at, in this moment.

   ✌️ my brethren.

http://youtu.be/9B27Z7hfGRI

Message in a Dream

"Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them.The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?" This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more."" John 8:1-11

The other morning I woke up at about 5:30am, sweated and wide awake because of a dream I had. I'm not going to share my dream, but I just knew, that I had to share the message of my dream.

This summer God has been bringing a lot of things to mind through conversations with other people, and one of those is how in Christianity, we are so quick to judge others. We think that we know what is best for people so often, especially when heavily involved in people's lives. We see people making, what seems to us, really terrible decisions, and sometimes they may be, but we judge them for that and we complain about how this person could make that mistake, or act like that, or do that thing. I am so guilty of this. We all are. 

What I am seeing this kind of thinking and attitude creating, is this attitude of pride. That I am better than you. That I make better decisions than you. I am more spiritual than you. I know what is best, I know what you should do. And sometimes, those things may be true...but it is our attitude behind those thoughts, where the issue lies. Where our sin is. We are so quick to judge others for the way they are living their lives. We are lacking trust in God that says that He knows best, that He is working everything out for the good of those who love Him, that He will deal with injustice, He will deal with other people's sin. 

I currently have the privilege of being in Northern Ireland, with the people I first fell in love with and where ministry life truly started for me. One thing that I am just loving and seeing is how much God truly keeps His children. He doesn't need us. He is more than capable of leading people to Him without us. He's been doing this much longer than we have. All we have to do, is seek Him ourselves, and as we walk with Him, we disciple, lead people to Him, not to ourselves. 

So I ask you, follower of Jesus Christ, brother, sister, read John 8:1-11. Next time you think someone is making a wrong decision, Look at your own sin first. Love them through whatever their life looks like. Speak God words, truth, wisdom, not jealousy, not pride, but have love, grace and mercy. Be fruitful. Be like Jesus. 

Grace and Peace brethren. ❤️