Morning thoughts.

The heart of God is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

And He shares His heart with us. 

What a privilege.

He enjoys sharing His heart with us. He wants to share His heart with us.

What a gift.

God is full of gifts.

Always lavishing (I love this word) us with gifts from Him.

Because He loves us.

With an UNCONDITIONAL love.

Which is so hard for us to grasp, because everything we tend to do is conditional.

But not God.

Praise be to Him!

Deep down, we all want to share our heart with people.

Only fear, and pride hold us back.

Nothing holds God back from sharing His heart with us.

Not even our fear and pride.

For He is greater.

He will push through to share His heart with us.

Just ask.

Sometimes we don't even have to ask.

But He likes it when we do.

Just like we want to be wanted, so does God.

Matthew 7:11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! 

Walls

We all have walls in our hearts.

Some have more than others.

They come in all shapes and sizes.

Some of ours are taller, some of ours are thicker and some of ours encircle our whole heart.

But like the walls of Jericho, they will eventually all come tumbling down. (I encourage you to read the story and compare it to walls of our own hearts. It's a good thing I'm finding to ponder and study. The story is in Joshua 6) 

  

As believer's, followers of Jesus Christ, we are united in Him. Making us all family, since we are all co-heirs and children of God! 

What I have been rather convicted of in the past week is that we are to proclaim the power and victory of God.

    "For the Kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power." 1 Corinthians 4:20

We are to walk in victory for ourselves and we are also to fight for our fellow brothers and sisters. To proclaim victory not only for ourselves, but for others (or for some, this may need to be vice versa). 

We need to SHOUT, the glory of God, His power and Authority over all the walls in our lives. We need to be persistent in the fighting and not lose hope, in the tearing down of these walls of our hearts.

I am just as guilty, if not worse, than those that God reveals to me with specific walls. I pray for them, I proclaim truth for them, I declare Gods goodness and His victory, yet I forget how many walls I have and even how much thicker and taller they have become over the past year. I am guilty of not being persistent enough in prayer. I am guilty of walking around defeated, everyday. 

God wants to tear down our walls. They do no good in community, and relationships. They bring lack of trust and disunity. How is that honoring to God?

Proclaim the victory and power of God. Let Him tear down your walls piece by piece, chunk by chunk. It will be extremely painful and uncomfortable, but it is nothing in comparison to a death on a cross.

Trusting God is a battle

 

Recently, I have found myself asking the question…
   “Do I really trust God?”

I’m finding that recently more and more I think about my future… and with that, I’m seeing the lack of trust I have, and that is just not cool.

I get too caught up in wondering if I will get married…and with that thought process…what if getting married will take me away from Off The Wall? take me away from the life I love and feel called to. Will I have kids? How much will it affect how I do ministry? Do I really want those things then?
…or,
Well, what if I don’t get married? Will I still be able somehow to have kids?
Will I ever have enough money to survive comfortably?

….and so the questions can go on and on and the scenarios can continue to be played out in my mind.

And amidst all of those questions, and thoughts, I’m just trying to play out what my life will look like. I’m just trying to play god. To maintain control of what direction I take and where God leads my life. When really, I have zero control over any of the things I so often find myself wondering about.

When really, all I need to do is just trust God. I’ve actually fallen asleep, with tears in my eyes, repeating the words “I trust You God” recently. I need that reminder, that deep down, I do trust Him. Because reality is, it is really hard to trust God at times.

But why?! I have no reason not to trust Him. He has never failed me, and His Word says He never will. He is always faithful. And He has blessed me so much with a life full of my dreams and desires, so why would I think that He would want to take all of that away just to take it away.
I fully believe that He is Good.

Yet the sin inside of me, my depraved nature, tells me otherwise. It tries to trip me up. And a lot of times, it doesn’t just try, but it succeeds. And that’s when I realize that I haven’t been trusting my Creator, my Father. And that’s when I repent, and ask for forgiveness.

Because I do trust Him.

 

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Philippians 4:6-8

Oh life....

We are afraid to be vulnerable with others. I am one of those people. I can be a bit hypocritical at time actually in this. I tell people I am an open book, just ask, but when it comes down to it, whenever asked about the present....very few people get the whole story. And admittedly, this entry is not the whole story, nor do I think that it needs to be. Many people don't need to know my deepest darkest secrets. But there still is a lot of vulnerability in this entry, and the reason being, that this is what The Lord laid on my heart to share. So I encourage you, to not be afraid to be vulnerable. Probably not everything... For there is a lot to learn in being vulnerable...but be real. Be honest. Some people may need to hear what you have to say.

So with that preface....

Emotions tend to make life difficult. Hormones tend to make life difficult. Sin tends to make life difficult. 

   

So when you put all these in one...what do you get?

      Human beings. You. Me. Us.

I don't believe that emotions are bad, they let us know that we are alive, that there is something going on inside of us. Hormones...( yup...) Sin...is never a good thing.

This weekend for me was a very emotional weekend. A lot of insecurity, a lot of past lies resurfacing, a lot of complete selfishness in my thinking and actions, some hurt and a lot of frustration and discontent with God and with myself. I was so affected, it affected how I worshipped (or lack there of), how I spent time with God, my attitude...everything.

   Needless to say, I'm thankful for a new week. Thankful for a day to just be with the LORD alone. To ask forgiveness, to worship, to read, to allow the grace and love and forgiveness of God to wash over me.

     

My point(s) in sharing this with you, is that I don't have it all together. I have my major weaknesses, things that at times Satan just pounds me with. I don't always have the best attitude. I'm very selfish. I'm very emotional. I'm not always all about Jesus or always feel madly in love with Him. Majority of times I have no clue what to do with what is going on in my heart and mind. I've no clue usually how to express the love I have, and that is actually quite painful. I do get hurt, and my heart is actually quite soft. I'm figuring this whole life thing out too. 

      I'm just like you. We are all just like you. 

In high school I used to feel like I wasn't going to have a normal life....and to most Americans, my life isn't normal with working in a church and working in a ministry where we disciple full time. It's my dream job. But this life is normal. In the kingdom of God, this is what we are supposed to be doing. Ministry. Whether we are vocational or we are tent makers and work. The only thing that makes me unique or special is the blood of Jesus Christ and His righteousness. 

And my main point in admidst all of these unexpected words...is that we all have emotions and hormones. Male and female. And although they may not be bad (I actually believe emotions are a great thing), it's how we respond to these emotions and hormones that can cause us to sin. And like we must learn with the sin in our lives to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, so we must do with our emotions and hormones. Our feelings should never be greater than Jesus. And that is what I allowed this weekend. And for that, I ask for forgiveness. 

We must learn to submit, and though we may feel something, to not make it greater than Jesus in our lives and whatever thoughts come from those feelings, to take those thoughts captive, and make them obedient to Christ. So that He may be honored. 

"So as to walk in a manner worthy of The Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10

A new heart

 

The older I am getting, the more emotional I am becoming. And the more emotional I become, the deeper I am loving.

I never knew that my heart was capable of feeling the emotions it feels. I never knew I was capable of feeling such love towards people I barely know. I never knew I could be so proud of individuals and a group of people. I never knew that I would ever be able to feel the love I do towards people like I do now and this is only the beginning I feel.
  It seems as though words can’t even do justice the amount of love I feel in my heart. It almost hurts at times.
  And I KNOW that this love, comes from Christ. it is just a glimpse of the love He has for me. For us, His bride. It is a love that would cause someone to completely empty themselves for the sake of others. I want this love to continue to grow to that point. It is the kind of love that desires to serve another, no matter what the service may be. It is the kind of love that see’s beyond the surface….

I enjoy getting older. Im glad that Ive experienced much turmoil these past 2 years, because it has only grown my emotions to a deeper level of love, understanding, grace… and to connect better. I still have a lot of growing to do. There are more attacks than ever before with these deeper emotions but if they cause me to be more like Christ and help me to grow more in love, I’m all in, because loving people, is seriously one of the greatest blessings of Christ.

God is good. God can and will do what may seem impossible. Your greatest fear, is what He has already overcome. and He transforms us. He’s transformed me. He’s taken a girl who used to hate people and love spending time by herself hours a day, to a girl who doesn’t even know how to react to all the love she feels for those in her life and looks forward to times spent with people and would rather be with people than alone.
     This all is new to me. This all is so odd to me. And I love it.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

What do you want?!

Tonight I spent an hour praying for our local YoungLife ministry. And I couldn't help but notice in some of the more specific prayer requests for individuals that a lot of them wanted to spend more time with Christ. This made me think that a lot of times, this is a very popular request among believers. 

Then I thought of how often you hear the phrase, 'you make time for what you want...'

   And I do believe that that is true. I think of all the high school boys (and even grown boys!) who will spend hours a day, or stay up all night sometimes just playing video games. Or people like me who love television and will stay up until 2 am no matter how tired you are to watch a favorite tv show! Or we make time to hang out with friends...etc...but how often do we ourselves MAKE time to spend with Christ?! 

Are we willing to sacrifice a few minutes of sleep to spend time with Him? Are we willing to sacrifice one episode a day? Are we willing to sacrifice meeting up w a friend to spend time w Jesus?...the list could go on. 

Don't get me wrongs, none of these things are wrong. I just find it interesting that what seems to be the most common prayer request is to spend more time with Christ...

And my thought is.....maybe the prayer request shouldn't be to spend more time with Christ but instead, to, WANT Christ more. To long for Him. To desire Him above anything else in our lives that can distract us from Him. To want Him so much, that it moves us to action. 

So I ask, what do you want? 

God's blessings in endurance

This morning I wasn't really motivated to get out of bed. The only thing that seemed to really excite me was the idea of eating breakfast! But as I lay there, I started to think about all the things that have been heavy on my heart and mind this week and I started to worry a bit. So, for like the 2nd time this summer I got up and decided to go on a long walk without my music and just talk to God. Walking has been rather difficult for me this summer because I fell and hurt my foot/ankle at the beginning of the summer and I also get really bad shin splints so those 2 things have held me back a lot, but I asked God to bless this walk and He did!

  My walk was really refreshing, in many aspects. And towards the end I started thinking of this...

There were many blessings on my walk. One being the prayer time and just conversation with my LORD, saying hello to people on the street, my legs not killing me!, my best friend shouting at me through their window, baby animals....

  I took a route that if I wanted to, I could have taken so many different short cuts to make the walk a lot shorter than it was. And if i didnt make the decision to just keep walking, I would have missed out on quite a few of those blessings. And I think we can easily apply that to our spiritual lives. 

When we are walking with Jesus sometimes life becomes hard and we want to take the easy road, the shortcut. We just can't seem to have enough perseverance or endurance, or fear and worry start to overwhelm us of even hurt and pain...etc. When we allow ourselves to not endure, or to be hindered we miss out on blessings from God, when we take those shortcuts, when we don't endure the whole way. The endurance through the difficulty and the pain and discontentment reap blessings when we just persevere and keep our eyes on the prize (Jesus Christ) rather than our eyes on what is making us want to give up or slow down or take a shorter route (different road than intended just to be done quicker). 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary orfainthearted."    Hebrews 12-1-3