That's why I write this post...
This morning, I woke up with a sadness in my heart...for a person that is going through a lot and I have no relationship with, and have no clue how to help them. There is history as well, and God just keeps laying them on my heart.
I fall down a few steps on the stairs...it's dark, I just woke up...I fell...made a loud noise, at 5:30am, woke my roommate up. And it hurt.
It was really snowy this morning. The roads were pretty bad, I was sliding a lot. I slid into a field...went down a ditch, into a field. Got out to check my car, nearly fell about 3 times. Didn't have cell phone service. Couldn't call anyone. Decided to take things into my hands, and eventually made it out of the field over a mini hill.
I feel like poop.physically. My stomach is questionable, as is my throat, and my head hurts.
This makes me extremely emotional and sensitive. So anything can and will set me off.
Confession time....
I want people to notice it's been a tough day. I want people to notice a change of mood in me, to take interest. I want people's attention. I want to be encouraged, all the time actually. Who doesn't?
The majority of my thinking, is the dichotomy of doing things for people and seeking their approval, or just being okay with Gods approval and His attention. Some days are harder than others.
I have a lot of dichotomy in my thinking, it's rather frustrating.
But I share this (and I could share so much more, who is really don't feel like bearing all on the internet, nor do I really care to bare all to individuals most of the time...but really I want to...another dichotomy)
because I love Jesus so so so so so much. My life, also revolves around Him, in all honesty. I have been taught, and have learned how to think about Him more and involve Him more and to fix my eyes on him more, and it's difficult, especially in the midst of bad days, but He somehow always brings me back to Him, which I am grateful for! But I also am in Ministry...and I work in the church, am involved in my church, and am a worship leader. So, people sometimes can get the idea that I am super spiritual, and holy, and have everything together. Which sometimes, it seems like I do and that I am...but I'm still figuring this following Jesus thing out too. I'm still being sanctified. I still fail and have bad days. I'm not always godly. I'm not always spiritual. I can be quite surfacey...because it's safe. But sometimes going deep, is refreshing and reveals the heart and is what makes me fall in love with people and especially more in love with Jesus, and what helps shape and mold my charachter and my heart and challenges my way of thinking, and my way of living.
So I write this, just to let u know that I'm a sinner. To confess that I sometimes would prefer the affirmation of people over God. And that I have bad days too. We are all the same. None of us are better than each other. God loves us all the same. We are all His children, and He blesses and disciplines us all.
Now, to do what all spiritual people do to relax....sleep and netflix....😧😝
✌️ peace and ❤️ love brethren.
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