We are afraid to be vulnerable with others. I am one of those people. I can be a bit hypocritical at time actually in this. I tell people I am an open book, just ask, but when it comes down to it, whenever asked about the present....very few people get the whole story. And admittedly, this entry is not the whole story, nor do I think that it needs to be. Many people don't need to know my deepest darkest secrets. But there still is a lot of vulnerability in this entry, and the reason being, that this is what The Lord laid on my heart to share. So I encourage you, to not be afraid to be vulnerable. Probably not everything... For there is a lot to learn in being vulnerable...but be real. Be honest. Some people may need to hear what you have to say.
So with that preface....
So when you put all these in one...what do you get?
Human beings. You. Me. Us.
I don't believe that emotions are bad, they let us know that we are alive, that there is something going on inside of us. Hormones...( yup...) Sin...is never a good thing.
This weekend for me was a very emotional weekend. A lot of insecurity, a lot of past lies resurfacing, a lot of complete selfishness in my thinking and actions, some hurt and a lot of frustration and discontent with God and with myself. I was so affected, it affected how I worshipped (or lack there of), how I spent time with God, my attitude...everything.
Needless to say, I'm thankful for a new week. Thankful for a day to just be with the LORD alone. To ask forgiveness, to worship, to read, to allow the grace and love and forgiveness of God to wash over me.
My point(s) in sharing this with you, is that I don't have it all together. I have my major weaknesses, things that at times Satan just pounds me with. I don't always have the best attitude. I'm very selfish. I'm very emotional. I'm not always all about Jesus or always feel madly in love with Him. Majority of times I have no clue what to do with what is going on in my heart and mind. I've no clue usually how to express the love I have, and that is actually quite painful. I do get hurt, and my heart is actually quite soft. I'm figuring this whole life thing out too.
I'm just like you. We are all just like you.
In high school I used to feel like I wasn't going to have a normal life....and to most Americans, my life isn't normal with working in a church and working in a ministry where we disciple full time. It's my dream job. But this life is normal. In the kingdom of God, this is what we are supposed to be doing. Ministry. Whether we are vocational or we are tent makers and work. The only thing that makes me unique or special is the blood of Jesus Christ and His righteousness.
And my main point in admidst all of these unexpected words...is that we all have emotions and hormones. Male and female. And although they may not be bad (I actually believe emotions are a great thing), it's how we respond to these emotions and hormones that can cause us to sin. And like we must learn with the sin in our lives to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, so we must do with our emotions and hormones. Our feelings should never be greater than Jesus. And that is what I allowed this weekend. And for that, I ask for forgiveness.
We must learn to submit, and though we may feel something, to not make it greater than Jesus in our lives and whatever thoughts come from those feelings, to take those thoughts captive, and make them obedient to Christ. So that He may be honored.
"So as to walk in a manner worthy of The Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10
Very well written Jillian! Emotions are crazy and its so hard to tell yourself "no" or to remind yourself whats right and whats wrong. Thank you for writing about this. It has helped me to really think about my own personal problems with emotions and hormones and where I need to be with Christ. Keep on writing and know that I am praying for you! Take care lady!
ReplyDelete