Getting Through The Past

I can't help but live in the past sometimes. I have made some mistakes, i have been forgiven of them. I just can't forget them.
One big one that ruined my life basically. And now I am faced with it everytime I want/need to make a decision. It scares me. It numbs me.
My mind has become so full of well if i do this, if i don't do this...that in the midst of all the thoughts of how to make a decision, I can't hear God. The mind drives me nuts sometimes. I wish it could stop. But the mind is such a complex thing, and created by God, that it never will. We just need to learn how to live with it, and how to control it. I am getting there!

But back to getting throug the past. I need to forgive, and to forget. I need to break through this barrier of the fear of messing up by making a wrong decision. We all mess up. It's going to happen. I'm never going to be perfect. I just need to stay calm, and trust in God to let me know the right way.
But even that becomes hard. As I do not trust myself to hear God because of this one mistake. Because I get so caught up in what I want to do, and what my mind is telling me, the pros and the cons, that I don't hear God. So I don't trust myself to make a decision unless I truly know this is what God is telling me to do. Rather than just to do something, until a door closes. I am way to careful about this.

I guess what I am saying is, I need to overcome the past mistakes. I need to learn to trust myself. To trust God, to let me know what the right thing to do is. To be obedient, and to strip all of my selfishness to fulfill God's purpose in my life. And if I mess up, I mess up. I have a forgiving and merciful Father. I just need to forgive and show grace to myself. Which is hard. But I have to. Jesus does, so therefore I need to. To gain freedom and to overcome this barrier and get rid of this bonded fear that just won't let go of me. Just trust.


Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5