The Click

Northern Ireland:
My second home. I adore this place. But even more, I adore the people from this place. The people I have created relationships with. old and new.
my good friend brought up to me the other night, that no matter how long you go from seeing people or even talking to people, you know you have a great friendship if you can be away for so long and pick up right where you left off with life going on in between.
God has completely blessed me with the most amazing relationships. here and at home. and i know that he will continue too. and i am excited.
it really saddens me to leave them all again. and i am determined to keep in touch better...becasue keeping in touch is not my strong point at all. so i need to work on that! i want to work on that!

but one thing ive realized...this trip has helped me realize. is that i didnt necessarily need to come back to be healed from what happened to me and what i went through. jesus has already set me free! i was already living in that freedom and healing! coming here wasnt even really for me at all. but for other people. i realized (and this may sound a bit conceited...) that life went on for these kids without me. they grew up, God protected them and strengthened them. and it is incredible! God looks after your work. and blessed the relationships!! so encouraging.

i jsut cant thank God enough or even say enough how much i adore these relationships. every single one of them. they mean so much to me. and have brought me so much life.


one thing that God has kinda put on my heart. is all about the holy spirit. within the last few months. really been realizing the holy spirit is there. and just longing for more of him to be alive in me. surrender and sacrifice to living in the spirit and in relationship with jesus and in reverence to God is a daily thing. i just want to grow and grow.
to not have any expectations of my life. to not have plans...because by me having plans for my life...is putting God's plans out of the picture. which God's plans are much better than mine ever could be and He is the creator so I kinda want Him in control of my life!!
i just wanna grow. and be and live in relationship with God and the trinity and to just go day by day and surrender daily.

we are constantly impacting people.
i want to be an encourager. i realized the other night that maybe a part of God's calling on my life is to encourage ppl. to disciple people and to stretch and push them. to help them be who God wants them to be. to help them share what God has laid on their heart with others. i love being that person. i feel empowered by it.
and ive finally realized...i mean...ive known this for a while..cuz God keeps hinting at it...but ive just never really accepted it because I don't really want it...but i know God is calling me into some kind of leadership. which scares me. because I don't see myself as a leader...i dont want to be known as a leader...ive always seen myself as a follower. and i always will be some kind of follower. but God always seems to do somethin in my life to where I have to lead something...or take charge. and a lot of times...i try to hide from it. which doesnt work very well.
and tonight...i just let it go. If God wants me to be in leadership, I will be in leadership. Ive come to terms that i just may need to. and i do enjoy it to an extent! so we will see what God does with my life and where He leads it!


so this has just been kinda randomness...but its all whats on my heart. my heart is overflowing. and my mind is so full of thoughts!! like always. but this is good stuff!! i dont even know what all to write cuz there is so much!

i love conversations. especially focused on God. my life needs to be more focused on God. i want to be consumed by Him! to naturally be controlled and thinking of His ways!!