Preparation is apart of Worship

Sometimes I really enjoy to just sit and think. I don't do this often, so I forget that typically when I do this, some kind of conviction or 'aha' moment occurs.

   I've only been sitting here for about 10 minutes, and that moment has already happened.

I'm leading worship tomorrow morning. I'm slightly nervous. Seeing as this past year has been bathed in anxiety in leading worship, and the last couple times it seems to be calming down and some victory has happened! So naturally, I am thinking and praying about worship. Naturally, I am thinking about myself....and asking God if I have grown as a worship leader in the last year and a half. My initial thought, is no, because I haven't been told (nor have I asked), how or even if I have grown. I am still extremely dependent upon other people to help me lead, which I don't think necessarily is a bad thing because of how God has wired me, but I am sure if an area I could grow in and would like to grow in. 

   Musically, I'm really not that good. For as many years as I have been doing this, I should be further along. But, I am also practicing and preparing more now musically and spiritually for worship than I every have.

And that is where my thoughts are at. The preparation of worship.

    This year, something has clicked in me that hadn't before, where I see the privilege and important of being apart of corporate worship, and it makes me want to do it better. Not for myself, not for the church, but for God, because He genuinely cares about our worship, especially when we all purposely gather together in His name. And I've began to see God move in incredible ways corporately and individually though this worship time. 

   I believe as well, that if our own individual worship time is suffering, our corporate worship time suffers. You see, we all, and not just musicians in a worship team, no matter what skill, or singers, or preachers, or teachers...but all of Christ's bride, should be preparing to come together to worship. 

For so long, I would show up on a Sunday morning, without even caring what songs we were going to sing and even how well I would play them, or without even praying for the teacher that morning, without even spending time with Christ before worshipping Him with fellow brothers and sisters. I would come together with an attitude that was not worthy of my Savior, and I didn't even care. Then I started getting anxious....and that only drew me to go to Christ. I started to pray more, at first, just for myself. I would pray all day Saturday, I would get up early Sunday morning and pray some more...then, I started not just praying for myself, but for the rest of the worship team, and then the pastors, and other leaders, because I knew if I was being so attacked, that they probably are too. And through all of that, God started to show me how much more powerful corporate times of worship are, even if just one person is taking the time to pray for those times, those people, and preparing themselves to worship Him in song, in abilities, in teaching, in fellowship and in servant hood. Through that, I see God smiling, I see and feel God receiving the glory that is due His name, and I see him working mightily within the church body, His bride. 

So my challenge; prepare your hearts to worship. Not just for a Sunday morning or evening, but every day. Worship in private, so that your corporate worship will be even more glorifying! Be ready and prepared, spiritually and physically, to worship your One True God who is Worthy of more than we can ever give! 

Worship, in spirit and in truth. 

✌️❤️

Saturday Morning Meditations

Sometimes I have no clue how to express in words what my heart feels. It's a frustrating thing for someone who enjoys to write things down, but I am finding that it is also a very beautiful thing for my intimacy with Christ. 

   He understands exactly what my heart feels and wants to say. And that brings tears to my eyes, out of gratitude and amazement at this unrelenting Love of my Creator.

   I encourage you, in your weariness, in your waiting, in your fear, in your joy, in your frustration...wherever you are at, be desperate for God. Know that He knows your heart better than you even do. He is with you. Take time today to just sit with Him, and let Him love you, speak to you, renew you, hold you, carry you...etc.

In my season of waiting, I find that I am continually put in situations where I need to wait, (take this fast I am on for instance...ice cream on Thursday cannot come quickly enough!). But when my attention and feelings are rooted in me just looking at what's to come, yes there is excitement, but then it moves to...'but I can't have it now!' And I become moody and trouble hearted. BUT, when my attention and feelings are rooted in the present and all that Christ is doing in me and in the people around me, I can't help but be joyful, and worship, and pray for what God lays on my heart. The fact that I am waiting, and all my frustration gets forgotten in the moment, because I am fixed on the One who is worthy of all of my attention and praise! 

God keeps putting this excitement within me in this season. I pray that He does the same in you. That you are excited for what God is doing, and what He will do. That your eyes see Him, more than they see yourself or things of this world. That you will worship, with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and allow Him to be with you in the midst of life and that your desperation for Christ will only grow so that you are continuously seeking Him at all times. 

Turn your eyes upon Him, and look FULL in His wonderful face. And the things of this earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His Glory and Grace! 

✌️ my brethren!

#Hope

Today was a gorgeous day. A perfect day for blogging as I was told, so hence, a blog. 

    I had some good time just sitting with Jesus this morning. It was quite blissful. And I was asking God what to even blog about, and what i heard was Hope.

    So here's my thoughts;

This past week, was a real blah week, and quite difficult to keep my mood, morale, and attitude in a good place. I usually can gain a pretty good control of those things, but this week, it was not happening. There were some instances this week though that stood out to me:

        At community night, we had a time of worship. Which was long overdue, and was the first time in what feels like a while that I just cried. I was overwhelmed....by the gifts and value Christ gave to every person in that room. And my heart broke, because the majority of them, don't see it/choose not to see it/doubt it/don't realize all that God has given them...

        Sunday morning church service, during our third worship (music) set I was completely overwhelmed by the Spirit of God. It was during the song stronger. It was an odd thing, but a thing that    Is happening more randomly. I lost control of my body. I can't remember shaking that bad, ever. My hands would not stay still, my knees felt like they were shaking, and all I could do was sing out and proclaim that He is Stronger....because He is.

So what does Hope have to do with these parts of my week? It has a lot to do....because what I feel, is that as the bride of Christ, His church, so many of God's people are lacking hope. And this weekend, where we celebrated Christ defeating death and rising from the dead, it reminds me that we should be full of hope, no matter what season of life we are in, and what trials or joys we are walking through. I see hopelessness everyday, and I am surrounded by people everyday of my life who love Christ more than life itself. This my brethren, is not okay. How can we, who have the Holy Spirit alive inside of us, moving us, guiding us, sanctifying us, empowering us, who have been redeemed and made righteous by Jesus Christ's selfless and victorious sacrifice, and who have been chosen by the Creator of the heavens and the earth, a Holy, infinite God, be so hopeless?!

I beg you brothers and sisters, stop looking at your failures, your past, your insecurities, your fears....and look to Christ. See yourself the way He does, know what He says about you. People watch you, a dying world watches you, they know you proclaim Christ, so show them that He is worth the fight, that there is hope.

If you watch any movie, any tv show, hope is basically the center of what is going on. There is always that one person, who hopes for all the people, that something better will happen or come along. I've been watching recently a lot of the show Once Upon A Time, and Mary Margaret in one scene told Henry that fairy tales are there to give us hope. Hope that things don't have to stay the way they are, and that they won't. 

That is what Christ gives us. Hope. Hope, that life will not stay the same. Our situation, our trials will not stay the same, but that one day we will be face to face with Christ. And that time with Him, will not end. We will get to spend eternity with Him, and with no fears, no tears, no pain. Just the glory of God surrounding us!

So I leave you with the challenge to ask God to fix your eyes on Him so that your heart can hope more and more each day in Him. Also, look up verses on hope. The bible talks a lot about it. Here are a few:

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:2-5

"For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:24-25

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,

 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." Titus 2:11-14

We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, Hebrews 6:19

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 

Hebrews 10:23

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

Revelation 21:1-7

The joy that was set before Him. #endurance

"Therefore, since we are surrounded so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." 

Hebrews 12:1-2 

On Sunday Travis preached on the cross, and the whole time I kept thinking about that phrase, 'who for the joy that was set before him endured...' And I haven't been able to get it out if my head. 

In the past 6-8 months I feel like God's been teaching me what it feels like, and what it is to endure and I probably have only tasted a piece of it. 

   I've always been one of those people to quickly give up. I quit every sport I ever played in all my school years, not because I wasn't any good (I was actually quite athletic) but because I didn't want to endure the practices or the pain and time. I was lazy. For those same reasons, i also quit all my music lessons and choir. I didn't learn commitment until people showed me, by being committed to me. I think endurance and commitment go hand in hand. You can't endure anything, if your not committed. And commitment is a choice. 

Again, for the past 6-8 months, especially most recently, I'm really in a season of WAITING. Which is extremely difficult, and requires a lot of effort on my part to make sure my focus and mind are where they should be, on Christ, and not on all that I am ready and waiting for. Through this waiting season though, I have been learning to endure. Waiting, produces endurance, because if you want to be obedient to Christ in your life and with your heart, you have no choice but to endure and to persevere in the midst of waiting on Him to move you on. Its easy while waiting, to take things into your hands and to become impatient, but that only leads to sin and distraction from the one who holds your heart and knows your steps and holds your future. You have to be intentional and disciplined with your relationship with Christ in these seasons. Always. Because when we have to wait, and we have to endure, our hearts will always try to steer us another direction from waiting. The culture we live in, tells us whatever we want, we can have, and we can have it right now. But God doesn't always work that way. He likes to sanctify us through waiting, to be with Him, to rely on Him, to trust Him and surrender our wills to Him because He is good and will work everything out for the good of those who love Him. 

When I look at Hebrews 12:1-2 and Jesus going to the cross, and on the cross, I can't help but believe that of all people, He truly knows what it is to endure. So why when we need endurance do we not look to Him like Hebrews tells to. He endured the cross, because He knew He had to to save us, He endured the cross because He loved us so deeply, He endured the Father turning His face away because He knew that He would be reunited and seated at the Fathers right hand on His throne. He knew He had to endure, and He did, no matter what insults and torture and pain He had to go through to get there. He saw the joy on the other side. The joy in what was to come, and that helped fuel His endurance. 

   So I ask you, can you see the joy ahead of you in what you are waiting for? And is it worth it? 

Are you focused on what you want or on Christ? 

The ESV Study bible says this about that passage, "the promise of future reward and joy gave Jesus the strength to suffer." Are God's promises enough for you? Because they should be. 

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed." Romans 8:18 

Sabbath

I am excited. Today is the last day of March, and my sabbath day and thus far, it's been splendid! There's been no movies or tv shows....just music and cooking (gasp!), a work out, and Jesus!

Tomorrow starts a month long adventure for me, and I haven't been this excited for something that I know is going to be really difficult for what feels like a while! I know that people say your not supposed to tell people when your fasting, but I'm to excited and I want to share my heart. 

    I am going on the Daniel Fast for the month of April. As well, I am doing a squat and plank challenge with 2 of my friends. 

  I do this for many reasons, and one being discipline. And to become healthier. But mostly, to just fall more in love with Jesus, and to give my heart and attention more to Him. I've been distracted really easy, I've been learning to love so much more deeply this past year, and I just want to give that all back to my first love and fall in love all over again! To hear the Holy Spirit more, to follow more, to love even more, to depend on God more, to find all that I am in Him again, to grow in Him, to be more disciplined, to see better, to know Jesus more, to worship Him more....to go deeper. To be more intimate with my Savior who pursues me and my Shepherd who leads me and my Father who loves me! 

For His Name's Sake.

   For the past year and a half psalm 23 has spoken to me more than I ever imagined that oh so common psalm would. But common is not a word that should be used for scripture in the first place, for it is Alive. He restores my soul. He leads me. Not for my sake, but for His names sake, for His glory. 

My life, has nothing to do with me but everything to do with God.

    And I want to maintain that mindset. 

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in all the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

For His Name's Sake

I've been distracted. 

I've been laughing so much I'm sure laughte will be the death of me (not a bad way to go...)

I've been enjoying people. 

I've been moody.

I've been anxious.

I've been overflowing with love.

I've been healing.

I've been tired.

I've fallen in love with Jesus all over again.

I've been forsaking the one thing I have always been real good at.....QUALITY TIME WITH JESUS.

Last night while just having some down time and reading through the book Multiply whilst listening to worship music...my eyes started to tear up, which given a little time, turned into me sobbing. 

   Earlier that morning, psalm 23:3 had come to my mind...

 "He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness FOR HIS NAME'S SAKE."

Then my devotions were on Revelation 4&5 which led me to Philippians 2, about Christ's humility and that one day, every knee will bow and confess that Jesus Christ is LORD! There's been a lot going on in my mind recently, some new struggles, new experiences, and the LORD has been with me in all of it, leading me, guiding me, but last night I just felt like He was telling me that I've forsaken Him. I haven't been spending enough quality time with Him...I have been distracted. I've been praying, I've been including God, but there's just been a lack of quality ALONE time spent together. And that is all me. He has been waiting...oh how patient and faithful He is, but He is also jealous, so at some point...He will gt my attention, and He has!

In the midst of my reading through tear shed eyes, the conviction that I have fallen into the trap like many that I have been living like God is here to give me what I want....when that's not the case at all.

I am here for God, not vice versa. Everything I go through and deal with, is FOR HIS NAMES SAKE, for His Glory.... 

He desires obedience, and He blesses us for obedience, but when we are disobedient, there are consequences. The reminder that I am completely unworthy, and that God has every right to punish me severely for sin....hit me. The reminder that God is a Holy God, and should be feared....hit me. The reminder that in the midst of His mercy and grace and love...He is still a God of justice and must punish sin, hit me. The reminder that I am extremely sinful...hit me. 

I've been undisiciplined and have allowed Fun and Enjoyment with others to over cede my intentional quality time with Christ. And I'm not saying we can't have fun and enjoy others, because we can and should! God uses those times IMMENSELY in my heart and life to enjoy Him more and fall more in love with Him and to learn. What I am saying is...learn balance. Don't let anything over cede your relationship with Christ and that time you need to spend with Him, however that may look! 

Ezekiel 36:16-end

Revelation 4 & 5

"And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

Philippians 2:8-11

A piece of a testimony.

I used to struggle a lot with unworthiness. I knew and still know that I am completely unworthy of all Christ has done for me and has blessed me with, but I am now to a point where I can and do accept His gifts and blessings with joy! But it didn't used to be that way. At all. And I guess this past week, I have been reminded of that.

       

This may sound rather selfish and arrogant....but so far in my life, everything I have ever wanted, I have gotten. I've been called spoiled, which hurts, but I've come to realize, that this is how God honors and blesses me for my obedience and submission to Him. And just because He loves me. 

  Now, I don't just wish for it, and it's there. Not at all. It doesn't work like that. It's been extremely difficult, because of my own selfishness and not wanting to let go of my desires and dreams...but for everything that I have received, I have had to give it up. I had to surrender my dreams and desires before the LORD and truly let them go.....until I was okay and at peace without those things....or those people....until I was okay with just Jesus and content and dependent on Him. And then....I'm blown away, because like God provided a ram for Abraham as he was about ready to sacrifice his promised son, God has given back to me my dreams and made them all a reality. And honestly, this is what I am in the midst of going through right now.....is that in between stage. And it's difficult. But it only makes my faith stronger in that God will provide. He may not provide in the way I would exactly like Him to, but He will provide in a way that is even greater than I could have imagined, and I'm just waiting....and am rather excited!

       I am constantly in Awe that God works like this in my life, because I know I am completely unworthy, I have done nothing to deserve such love and honor and favor. But my Heavenly Father continues to lavish upon me His grace and love for my life. And this has only brought me to my knees, and has made me fall more in love with my Savior, and has given me an extremely grateful heart, that is constantly humbled before my LORD. It makes me want to serve Him more, because He treats me with such love and respect and care. 

My struggle with this at times....especially when I hear other peoples testimonies and when my heart is broken for other people....is that how can I be living in such favor and have God working like that in my life, when some people have never even experienced God in that way....it doesn't seem fair to me and it probably isn't. And it makes me want to not accept all the blessings from God because I want the others to have them instead, because I know I have hurt God deeply (I've felt a piece of it...), and I know I'm utterly unworthy....

But then I am reminded....that their stories, their hurt, their pain, is not over. And they can experience the God I know...who shows such favor and lavishes upon those who seek Him great love. They can make the choice now to surrender all their dreams and desires, and see God move in such reverent ways to where they receive back their dead (so to speak), and their dreams and experience life to the full. IN CHRIST. 

And that becomes my prayer. My fight for the ones God breaks my heart for. 

For we are all His. And if we seek Him, if we obey Him, if we surrender ourselves to Him....we will never have reason to doubt what He is capable to do in and through us. And we will experience His love and grace and blessings ABUNDANTLY. 

So wherever you are at, I beg you, accept the love and grace of Christ. Let Him abundantly bless you, because it will change your heart, your mind and your life. 

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."

Psalm 73:25-28

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-2