Time with Jesus.

I am learning a whole lot right now. Especially about myself. But right now what I feel like sharing...is just how much love God has for us.

God has been teaching me about prayer and time with Him lately. and is continueign to teach me. which im very thankful for! I love being taught. But one thing that this morning, and that I'm just being shown right now by God. Is that, we don't HAVE to have our times with Him scheduled. they don't have to be perfect. All that He really cares about, is that we make the time to spend with Him. is that we INVITE Him into our day and into times when it's just us. or even with other people. I am a HUGE believer in time spent alone with God. I personally need a whole lot of it. But i also tend to lack in actually taking the time. I tend to get distracted by too many things..especially tiredness.
But back to the point! Im learning that even when I'm just sitting at my computer, with music on, talking to people, or doing whatever I am doing on the interweb or facebook. Whatever my intentions are. That even here, on my computer...I can embrace God's love and grace for me.
I am learning that i dont have to have a set time of prayer. I just need to take the time. Iv learned I can shower in the mornings before I pray so that I am more awake! I learned i don't have to take the whole hour i set aside for prayer somedays. I learned that i can pray while I am journaling. As im turning my lights out to go to bed. As I'm waking up in the mornings. Ive learned that I can just sit on my floor for ten minutes and that be my prayer time.

Prayer, and time with our Creator comes in more ways than we can even think of. It's jsut a matter of, are we taking that time?! Even if its only 5 minutes of pure aloneness w God one day.
He is with us all the time. He desires for us to invite Him into our lives and into our daily activities. and also to take time out for Him. to just BE with Him and ENJOY Him. its not so much about rules, and about exactly how much time we spend, whether we go short or go longer...its jsut that we are with Him. period. its okay!

He is showing me...that things in my life, how I am...its all just okay! Because of His grace! His love.
and so He continues to teach....

Funny how God teaches us.

God works in wonderful ways. Ways we can't even imagine. Especially while we are learning something. and we don't realize these things until after!

So the other day I was talking w my cousin. and he recently felt like God was asking Him to give up leading worship. and I was happy about that. He was curious as to why. And i told Him why. and after we talked about it...it hit me....at how true it is. and how God actually took me through that. and is going to take many others through it too. So i felt like sharing.

When living for God...most of the time...you will be asked to give something up. Yes...you are asked to give yourself up. your dreams. your desires. everything. But there is always something...that is just YOUR thing. Something you are gifted in. Something you love with all of your heart. Something you feel called to do. Something you just enjoy. Something you do everyday. Something you want to do for the rest of your life.
For my cousin, it was leading worship. For myself...it was being in ministry. You see...I spent a year and half right out of highschool being in full time ministry in Northern Ireland. I really learned a lot about myself and about God and who I am. I had never done ministry before. and i absolutely fell in love w it. fell in love w discipling girls, with being in the word...with being involved in people's lives. I fell in love with ministry. and was gifted in it.
Well friends...I let that love for ministry...overwhelm my love for God. I became obsessed with being in ministry. i thought i HAD to because i felt called to it. and therefore, because i felt called to do that, and i loved it, i thought i would forever and always do it. that is when my world crashed. and i mean...crashed. only i didnt realize it right at that moment. it took me a while...when my relationship with God horribly suffered...when past emotions arose...when ministry became a bother...and my heart wasnt in it.
God was letting me know...that I had put ministry before Him. and I believe we all at some point in our lives...do that. We become so in love with a dream...that we let it consume us. we let THAT become our identity...and now God.
so i feel like...God has taken me through that...and He is taking my cousin and others right now, and in the future through that. Where we need to give something up...that we love..and just be content in Jesus. in what He has for us..and to know that no matter what happens in our life...no matter where we are or what we are doing...as long as we have Jesus...we are satisfied. We are at peace. We are joyful.
Cuz honestly...all we need is Jesus. If we truly love Jesus...we are willing to give up our dreams and desires for His. trust Him. it is worth it. I've been through it...and still am. It doesn't mean He is going to take away your dreams and desires you have right now that you may need to give up. It may only be for a time. he just wants you to learn, and to trust Him, that his plans are way better than anything you can ever dream of. and that your life...is for Him...and not for anything else.

It is a beautiful thing to go through. Surrender. It is a painful thing. But blessing does come from it. Contentment and love come through it. More dreams. and Open eyes come from it. God has many other ways He would like to use us...than just one. Our lives are our ministry. Our love for Jesus...is our minsitry. Is our witness.
Be encouraged friends.
in Ezekiel..it says that God's word..always comes true. Do you believe that?!

Are we taking time to just hang out with Jesus?
are we taking time to be in AWE of God?
Are we taking time to pray to God?! and not just our little, God may this day be a great day for your glory prayers...but prayer....heartfelt. half hours of prayer. hours of prayer. cries?!
are we taking time to allow the Spirit of God to minister in us?! to move us? to use us?!

i realized the other night. that God has claimed my mind. and now He is working on claiming my heart. He already has a bit of it. But He wants even more of it. He wants my heart to feel anguish, to break for what breaks His. He wants me heart to be a compassionate heart. and i definately feel a call on my life to have a huge prayerful heart. He wants to claim every part of my heart as His.

So I ask you...as well as myself. Are we allowing God to change us?! No matter how hard it may be? Are we embracing it? Are we willing? Are we taking the time out of our own selfish lives and desires, to allow God to move in and through us?!
I was just reading about the heart a little bit.
And the heart is a muscle. about the size of a fist. and muscles tend to contract right. well when the heart contracts...its an all-or-nothing thing. The heart contracts with ALL OF ITS FORCE.
are we embracing God with all that we are?! are we loving with all of our heart?! or just a part of it.

the heart is a very incredible thing. its not just a muscle which brings life to our body and keeps up alive. its more than that. it allows us to FEEL things....
yes we can feel other muscles...like when we pull it or we can feel it twitch at times...
we can feel our heart breaking when we see children being uncared for.
we can feel our heart rejoicing when we see people engulfed in worship to our Glorious God.

its more than just keeping us alive.
are we taking time to see and to be in awe of what God created?! His beauty in us. and in this world. or are we just focused on our everyday life. and being complacent, and just seeing God as common...
HE is the farthest thing from common. so why do we live like He is?!


Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

sometimes you feel bad asking God for help. But the truth of the matter is...God doesn't mind.
we can't do anything without God's help. so why are we hesitant to ask?!
probably our pride.

A lot of people talk about how we think so much of ourselves....i don't. some people struggle with realizing that we actually are nothing in this world. i don't. I know, that compared to the God of This Universe....I am pitiful! I forever will be. But I also know, that His grace and His mercy and His love give me a worth. Make me worthwhile. In His eyes, in my own eyes, and in the eyes of other people.
Yes we all have our struggles. we all have a lot to learn, and sacrifices to make, and molding to go through. but i think we so often don't embrace it, because we are afraid to admit that we need help, and afraid to ask God help.
God meets us where we are. He wants to be close to us. He wants us to call out to Him. He is just waiting for us to call out to Him. So ask Him for His help. To mold your heart. To cleanse your heart, your mind. To have the strength and the joy to go through this life and to embrace everything and everyone that comes your way!


In Psalm 84 one of the verses says.
Blessed is the one who's strength is in the Lord. whose heart is fixed on the pilgrimage.


A pilgrimage is a journey to a holy place or temple. Our pilgrimage is Heaven. Is being w Jesus face to face, in His full Glory. God gives us strength. Let's embrace that strength. and keep our hearts fixed on Jesus. and our eyes fixed on Jesus.
That is when our lives change, and when God can build us. When we are fixed on Him! We can see Him.

Comparing can ruin a persons worth.

I'm letting you see my insecurities right now....

I haven't done this in a really long time. and so this really bothers me. But I tend to compare myself. to the people around me. Which just strips me of who I am, and the confidence that God has built in me.
and i think the comparisons, stem from my jealous heart. I see God moving in people's lives, exciting things! i see their personalities, and how people just love being around them. i see them being able to be in these conversations and with these people that are just encouraging and ltos of fun, and challenging spiritually...while im at work...
and i know that these people, may not always even get to do these things...so why do i compare and get jealous?! i want to be in that perosns shoes. i want to be among those conversations...
i want to be a person ppl look forward to spending time with. i want to be an exciting person. my friends know im 'boring', and they just accept it. which is great. but do i accept it?! i dont want to be considered as boring.
but if thats what i am, thats what i am right?!

i know im not doing myself any good by focusing and these comparisons. i am, who i am. God IS moving in my life, and doing a lot which is very exciting and im excited for the future. yes, i get antsy sometimes with just working. but he continuously blesses me at work, with the great ppl i work with and great conversations with them...like today for instance. so why can i be happy w that?! i am happy w that. but why do i keep seeking MORE!? is it wrong to seek more than the blessings that He is giving me? i mean...I need to learn to be content. I have learned to be content. there are just times when i don't WANT to be content...when i wonder...right...when is my life going to move on......when do my talents appear and get to be in full use ?!?! or even...what are my talents?!

my heart....is selfish and jealous. my heart...at times...is not content. my heart...always seeks more. my heart....feels a lot. my mind...tends to go with what my heart feels...
So God...control my heart. My heart is yours. Cleanse it. Purify It. so that I can see you. (matthew 5:8) May i encourage people with my words. May my heart be FULL of your LOVE, for you, for myself, and for others. May comparisons not matter to me. may i be confident in who i am...in you. may i be content with JUST you. may my eyes be FIXED on You Jesus. because when they are fixed on You...everything turns okay. everything else fades. and I am in your embrace. May my life, be in that embrace...always.
You hold my heart. Mend it. Mold it.
I just want you. only you.

Beyond the surface

there is always a story behind a word. do we take the time to pay attention to that story? to honor that story? to really look into a simple word which can mean more than our minds can take?!

So I'm reading The Heavenly Man. And it is blowing my mind. It's about this Chinese man who was put in prison, and tortured in ways that...i cant even describe...its sickening what ppl will do to others...and its just incredible what this guy went through for the sake of the church..and His love for Jesus. Incredible. and to think, Jesus was EVEN better! and went thru so much more...
But just reading this guys story (im not even half way thru the book right now) but he puts scripture in with his story at certain points...scripture that uplifted him and gave him strength...and it makes you actually look at the scripture from his and the writer of the scriptures point of view. so often, i dont think we realize the pain that maybe David was in when He wrote some of the psalms...or Paul while in prison...we just read the words, without realizing that these people actually suffered...and were tortured probably...and we don't realize the pain behind the words. the story behind the words. and then the deliverance behind the words as well!
it just makes you look at things in a different perspective.

"Praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead..."
We are blessed. and all we go through for the sake of Jesus...is a blessing.

Matthew 15

I would like to share with you, my devotions for today.

Matthew 15:10-20 is the passage.
'Jesus called the crowd to him and said, 'Listen and understand. What goes into a man's mouth does not make him unclean, but what comes OUT of his mouth, hat is what makes him unclean.'
Then the disciples came to him and asked, 'Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?' He replied, 'Every plant that my heavenly father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.' Peter said, Explain the parable to us.'
Are you still so dull? Jesus asked them. Dont you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man unclean; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him unclean.'


The focus here, is in bold.
So often in our every day life, we have people who irritate us, who annoy us, who make us jealous without even realizing it. Every person, no matter what they do, we react to in some way shape or form. Sometimes, that reaction, just isnt very righteous....

My devotions had this illustration that I would like to share:
A baptist preacher at a retreat asked a young lady to come up to the platform, and he had in his hand a cup of water. He instructed the girl to grab the arm that held the cup of water and shake it very hard. After a moment of hestitation, the girl shook his arm, and water went flying everywhere. He looked at her and pointedly asked, 'What made the glass spill water?'
Immediately she replied, 'It spilled because I shook your arm."
"oh no" he said, "it spilled water becasue there was water in the cup."

When people shake us up...its not because of them, what comes out. What comes out when we are shaken, is already inside of us.
So when we react badly to certain people, or certain situations, its not that 'persons' fault. We should be thanking them. Because they reveal our heart.
did u hear this people?!
our reaction, to other people, reveal our heart. other people are not to be blamed, for anything. they simply just reveal to us, and if anyone else is around us, where our heart is. what exactly is in our heart.




and so often...i know for me...my heart is revealed as envious....way too many times. and frankly I don't like it. so many of our hearts, are corrupted. and we don't even realize it. each day, we need to be 'cleansed' by the charachter and mercy of our God through the Holy Spirits power. Through meditation. Through willingness.

So i challenge you, to pay attention to your reactions. and to ask God to reveal your heart. it may not be pretty. but God makes the not so pretty, into beauty. :) Be cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.